Wny Work with a CERTIFIED Emotional Intelligence Coach?Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Director, EQ Alive!, certification for EQ coaches
Yes, Emotional Intelligence has been called “white hot” by press, and you’ve probably been hearing about it lately. In fact when Harvard Business Review published an article about Emotional Intelligence in 1998, more readers read article than any other article published in HBR in past 40 years. According to Gary Cherniss, Ph.D., Graduate School of Applied and Professional Psychology, Rutgers University, in an article entitled, “Emotional Intelligence: What It Is and Why It Matters,” “when CEO of Johnson & Johnson read that article, he was so impressed that he had copies sent out to 400 top executives in company worldwide.”However, Emotional Intelligence is far from a fad or business buzz word. It’s a field of study that developed to fill gaps in what lay people like you and me, and experts alike observed: that success and happiness in life (career and relationships) has more to do with emotions than thinking, and that IQ alone is not most important factor. Highly credentialed researchers have worked in field to define what Emotional Intelligence is (and is not), and to come up with ways to describe it and break it down into qualities, competencies or skills that can be learned. The work may have begun in 1983, when Howard Gardner, who proposed that “interpersonal” and “intrapersonal” intelligences (part of his theory of multiple intelligences) were as important as type of cognitive, intellectual intelligence measured by IQ tests at time. Other names in field you will recognize are Mayer, Salovey, Goleman, Seligman, Caruso, Siebert, Cooper and Cherniss. Whereas coaching credentials, or no credentials, may be adequate for some coaching specialties, because of complexity of field of Emotional Intelligence, and its interface with psychology, it’s important coach be specially certified in that specialty. An example? Emotional Intelligence coaching deals with emotions, and so does psychology, and EQ coach must know where line is drawn between coaching and therapy. Can you, for instance, teach someone learned optimism if they are clinically depressed, and how do you know difference? How do you teach resilience, which has to do with past traumas, losses and setbacks, without going into emotions of past, which would be therapy?
| | Helping Children Cope With DeathWritten by Theresa V. Wilson, M.Ed.
Age is not a prerequisite to grief. Not unlike their parents, child must be allowed to experience stages of grief. Denial of opportunity to “release” feelings, participate in family loss, and share in recovery can be very damaging to health and well being of child.You do not have to be a psychologist or therapist to understand and use basic tools to address needs of a grieving child. It does require recognition that “kids are people too,” and acceptance that their process of mending is no different than adults. Whether death or divorce, stages of a child’s emotional recuperating are very similar to adults, and must be fully addressed by parents in order to reap positive results. Never assume you know what your child may be thinking or feeling. Even in closest relationships, he or she will keep their most intimate feelings as they assess, for themselves, impact of emotional trauma and related environment issues that have been forced upon them. There are general stages of grief manifested in behaviors, attitudes and changes similar to following: Initial Shock which can be manifested in periods of withdrawal and silence or through wild behavior and disobedience; Emotional Release which is a stage of becoming more aware of their loss and reacting with dramatic release of various emotions including crying without cause, striking siblings or becoming easily provoked. Some youth may exhibit a variety of disruptive behaviors in school in addition to anti-social responses at home; Physical Symptoms include sleepless nights, nightmares, abnormal eating habits and digestive problems; and finally Guilt Feelings exhibited by blaming others for what they feel they have done to create situation. The road to recovery for youth may require that adults take a proactive role. There are several activities parents can use to create an atmosphere of comfort and support. These activities also encourage a closer communication between parent and child that moves far beyond immediate crisis. Encourage your child to prepare a picture album of favorite activities thy experienced with loved one. This may include family outings, birthday celebrations, or special events and holidays. Encourage child to write a story or “diary of events” about positive experiences they remember when loved one was with them (purchase a colorful diary or notebook and include a “special pen” child can use for this activity. Make this a personal experience for them that no one else can share. Do ask to read their diary entries or short stories. Let them offer to share when they are ready. If child is unsure how to begin, suggest they develop a summary around picture album. Encourage child to draw pictures of pleasant memories. Purchase a combination of crayons, paint and brushes. Make project unique to them. Keep it easy and convenient to begin by making it clear supplies will be available as they find need for them. The key here is to make sure their interest in expressing themselves is not dampened by lack of supplies.
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