Unilateral Disarmament - The First Step to Improving Communications with Your TeenagersWritten by V. Michael Santoro, M. Ed.
Many times, we are so conditioned in how we speak that we do not realize whether or not we are effectively communicating with our teens. This is especially true when they upset us.
To ensure that you are fostering an environment that will encourage your teenager to talk to you, as opposed to fearing you, first step is to evaluate your communication style. How you express yourself and what you say to your teens, especially when you are angry, can inhibit your relationship with them. Reacting by shouting short sarcastic phrases will usually turn off most people, including our teenagers.
The following are twelve examples of statements and questions that you should avoid saying:
1. When I was your age
2. What part of word "NO" don't you understand
3. Because I said so
4. Who pays mortgage around here?
5. You're NOT going out dressed like that
6. What do you see in him, you can do better
7. You kids have it so easy today
8. I didn't say that
9. You live under my roof, you live by my rules
10. Are you PMSing?
11. When are you going to grow up?
12. This conversation is over
Activity:
Think through things that you say that are similar to above, and create a list. Then, meet with your teen and ask her for her input. Explain that you are doing this because you love her and want her to trust you and to not fear coming to you to discuss things that are important to her. Go over list and then ask your teen to add any statements that you may have missed.
For example, you can say, “Tell me things that I say to you that you feel are hurtful; or prevent you from wanting to talk to me about important issues.” Add them to list and make a mental note of them. Then, ask your teen to tell you when you react to her behavior and use any of those phrases.
| | The First Thing On Your To Do ListWritten by Tammy Gonzales
Make out your Advance Directives. It is better to plan in advance then to rely on fantasies of how we think others would react to making decisions for us. Others may make decisions that may be in their own best interest not yours. Unplanned events sometimes occur in our lives that may take away opportunity for us to make our own decisions. Why burden others with expense and timely legal problems.A living will allows you to document your wishes concerning medical treatment when you are unable to speak for your self or nearing end of life. A medical power of attorney allows you to appoint someone to be your health care agent, usually some one you trust, who will be authorized to make medical and health care decisions, (medical treatment, care provider and environment) on your behalf. No matter what your age is or how long you expect to be in good health or to be alive planning for your health care in event of a medical health crisis is a priority. Give yourself a voice. For many of us it is very difficult to talk to ones we love about events that we do not want to see as possible or inevitable. Talking to those you love about what to do in event of a medical health crisis is important even though it is impossible to foresee every event or circumstance. Bringing in your family and friends into process will help you get a feeling for who may be best able and willing to support decisions that are import ant for you. When talking about your decisions it is important to consider your values and beliefs, as this is very personal. Advance Directives can be changed as your health circumstance changes. With age and change in life style habits our physical bodies may be prone to certain disease progression or debilitating impairments of one kind or another. So reviewing and updating your advance directives is important. Talk to your medical provider or doctor and let then know that you are making your advance directives. They will be glad to know this. Your doctor can answer your questions about your health and explain treatments and possible outcomes. Let your Doctor know about quality of life you want in event of a medical health crisis. Find out if your doctor is willing to follow your wishes, as law does not require them to, if they disagree and feel it is unethical or against their morals.
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