Unilateral Disarmament - The First Step to Improving Communications with Your TeenagersWritten by V. Michael Santoro, M. Ed.
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Stress that improved communications is a “two way street” and you are going to do your part to make things better. Then add that you also expect her to do her part, as it will take both your efforts to improve communications.
What to do
Remember to have a “thick skin” and thank her for her feedback when she provides it – even if you are angry. The best way to change this reactionary behavior is to try and think before you react, and talk more constructively to your teenager. Think of how you would have to react at work if a subordinate or coworker did something to upset you. As angry as you might be, you would strive to act professional because your job depended on it. If you do react and your daughter brings it to your attention, thank her and then discuss issue more constructively because your relationship depends on it.
You also need to set guidelines with your teen, instead of making rigid rules that will alienate her and create a vicious cycle of poor communicating and hard feelings.
Unilateral disarmament is first step in demonstrating to your teen that you are serious about improving communications with her. When you lead by example, you are establishing foundation and setting your expectations. This works better that a “do as I say, not as I do!” reactionary approach which causes your teen to be more rebellious.
Copyright 2004 by V. Michael Santoro and Jennifer S. Santoro, All Rights Reserved.
This article is an excerpt from book "Realizing Power of Love," How a father and teenage daughter became best friends...and you can too, coauthored by V. Michael Santoro and his teenage daughter Jennifer S. Santoro. For more information visit their Web site: http://www.dadsdaughters.com/
V. Michael Santoro M. Ed. has ten years of experience as an educator. He is also cerified in Training and Development with over eighteen years on international industry experience. He coauthored, "Realizing the Power of Love," How a father and teenage daughter became best friends...and how you can too, with his teenage daughter Jennifer S. Santoro. For more information, visit their Web site at http://www.dads.daughters.com
| | The First Thing On Your To Do ListWritten by Tammy Gonzales
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Consider following: ·Current age, life style and activity. ·How you feel about doctors, caregivers and care-giving environments. ·Your religious beliefs and your morals, values and ethical attitudes about care and illness. ·Attitude about control and independence and possible loss. ·Health, illness, fearful situations of death and dying. When you are ready to appoint a health care agent you may want to select some one you trust and understands your decisions. The person you select can be a spouse/partner, family member or a friend. It needs to be some one who is willing to act on your behalf. Some individuals may not be able to act on your behalf if they do not understand or agree with what you determine is best and appropriate treatment for you. It is important to clarify what you want to reduce any remorseful feelings. Keep in mind that health care agents can make medical decisions when you are unable to, not just at life end. You can obtain Advance Directives and Medical Power of Attorneys from your local hospital, long-term care facility, your physician may have them available, your local libraries reference desk, and your local Senior Law Office. Partnership for Caring – Provides additional information about Advance Directives and Health Care powers of Attorney. They also provide forms that you can download for free. All they require is you completing a simple registration form. They do not share your information. Go to this link now to get your free Advance Directives: http://www.partnershipforcaring.org/HomePage/index.html
Tammy Gonzales, Life Coach, her current project, Caregiver & Aging Awareness Campaign to direct caregivers and the aging to resources to complete their life planning.
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