Stress. Depression. Anxiety. They’re powerful words that conjure up all kinds of images and prejudices in our minds. People who suffer from these illnesses find it hard to cope with life. They can feel deeply unhappy, they can find no joy in anything life has to offer, and of course, their levels of self-esteem, confidence and self-respect plummet. But how can this happen to someone?
Let’s concentrate on how these illnesses affect
way we value self. Of all of destructive patterns of behavior these illnesses cause, way a sufferer talks to self is fuel that maintains their illness.
I have experienced depression from two sides. For 5 years, a series of traumatic events triggered a personal nightmare I believed would never end. One of these events came when my lover was diagnosed with depression. At this time, I too had entered into spiral of anxiety-induced depression. Both of these experiences have given me an insight into how sufferers destroy any value of self.
Let me give a couple of examples. With my partner, if I’d arranged an evening out with friends, she’d say:
“No, I won’t come, you go without me. I never have anything interesting to say. I just bore people. They’ll find me an effort to be with. I’ll stay here.”
If I made a mistake, I’d say to myself:
“I’m useless. I’m no good at anything. Everything I do I get wrong.”
This self-deprecation then spreads into other areas of life. You begin to criticize way you look, decisions you make or don’t make, and you focus solely on downside of life. Each time a little bit of self-worth, a little bit of self-respect and a little bit of self-confidence are eroded. Eventually, they are lost completely. When I reached my lowest point, having lost everything and everyone I loved, I’d say to myself:
“If I died tomorrow, no one would know and no one would care.”
So, what helped me to come out of fog?
