The Secret of Self-EsteemWritten by Dr. Margaret Paul
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as author resource box at end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.For other articles which you are free to use, see http://www.innerbonding.com Title: The Secret of Self-Esteem Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 723 Category: Emotional Healing The Secret of Self-Esteem Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Have you ever thought about what really creates self-esteem? Having a deep sense of inner worth is important to all of us, but many people have some false beliefs about what creates confidence in our own merit as individuals. Some of common false beliefs regarding what creates self-esteem are: • I will feel good about my self when I’m making $______(fill in amount) a year. • I will feel worthy when I am in a relationship with a (beautiful) (handsome) (wealthy) (loving) (fill in own) person. • I will feel worthy when I get enough approval from enough people. • I will feel adequate when I have a baby. • I will feel adequate when_______( fill in desired outcome that you attach to your sense of worth). However, there are many people who have all of above and still do not feel a deep sense of self-esteem. That’s because self-esteem has nothing to do with anything external, such as looks, approval, money, relationships with others, or having a baby. Self-esteem, or lack of it, is solely result of how we treat ourselves. Those people who attend to their own feelings and needs with loving action on their own behalf feel good about themselves, while those people who ignore, invalidate, or judge their own feelings and needs feel badly about themselves. For example, Anna grew up with parents who were hardworking and very caring about their children, but who didn’t take good care of themselves. Both of her parents smoked, drank too much, and didn’t eat well. Neither of them took responsibility for their own feelings, so both of them were anxious or depressed much of time. Even though her parents were loving to her, Anna does not take good care of herself, having had no role modeling for personal responsibility, She doesn’t eat well or get enough exercise, doesn’t stand up for herself at home or at work, and doesn’t get enough rest or playtime. She is very attractive, makes lots of money, has a husband and children, yet often feels very insecure.
| | A Lesson in Letting GoWritten by Catherine Franz
Do you hear yourself saying?When I have enough money, I'll... When I go on vacation, I'll... As soon as I find right partner, I'll... When house is clean, I'll be able to... When I can afford a better car, I'll... When this project is over, I'll... As soon as I get more clients, I'll... I can't leave work, or I'll... When my kids are grown and moved out,I’ll... How much of your life do you put on hold? During coaching sessions, people share their "I'll's" with me all time. The most popular justifications are that they are waiting waiting for money or time to magically open up. Tracking reasons over a ten year period and finding bottom line truth, people aren't hungry enough to do what it takes to find or create money. I'm sure you have accomplished many things in your life without money. Thus, why would you believe that these I'll can't be on that list as well? There are five elements involved with achieving prosperity. Money only one of them. Energy (sometimes mislabelled as power), love, time and success are other four. Belief underlies this whole process. The belief that you need money to accomplish whatever is on your list. The belief that there are no other options. And so many more. What are your beliefs that are placing your "I'll's" on your hold list? And excellent question. However, until you are aware of what's on list, and they are a true want, you don't open up your vision to their possibilities. The biggest time I was aware of this in my life was some years back when my father was very ill. He said to me, "Go after your dream, don't wait for anything." I'm sure you've heard that as well somewhere in your life. Discussing that further with him, I realized that I didn't know what I wanted. So I thought. I soon realized that that wasn't it at all. I just didn't believe it was possible to "really" live way I wanted. Since then, I travelled for a year all over world, attending and teaching at conferences, attending universities, and even personally studying with well-known writers. And how it all came about was still an awesome miracle to me. Most of adventure paid for by someone else, or an organization. But I had to take risks, at least they were big risks to me. Sometimes I didn't know how I was going to get there or back, where I was going to sleep, or what to do in between destinations. In every situation, every instance, things appeared that still leave me spell bound. And it all began with a little trust and belief. Since this time other amazing adventures appeared, including studying with some of most amazing people in world. Can this happen for you? You bet it can. Dr. Wayne Dyer, Donald Walsh, and Deepak Chopra, three I now call friends, tell you all about it in their books and lectures as well. What underlies all this? One thing -- our belief system. If you believe you must have money in order to do something, then you will need to. You closed window to possibilities. If you need all answers before you start, you will get exactly that, waiting on all answers to appear.
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