On a warm spring afternoon, fifteen years ago, two young men graduated from same college. They were similar in many ways...

Like most ambitious, hard working students they had also enjoyed time off to play sport and to have fun with their friends. And they were both very excited about bright future that lay ahead.

Fifteen years later they met.

They were still alike in many ways. Both had a good family life, a comfortable home and they both had a little gray hair!

But there was a difference.

One of men is stuck in his career and he hates his dead end job. He feels frustrated and unappreciated. And each Monday morning he drags himself out of bed to struggle through another tiring week.

The other man is in charge of his own business and works as many or as few hours as he pleases each day. He is excited about his work and is richly rewarded for his success. He is living dream.

What made difference?

Have you ever wondered how two people of similar ability and intelligence can produce such different results in their careers?

One person struggles day after day and claws his way to top of his department - while another seems to have a never ending drive to do more and to achieve more. He rises to top of company in record time.

The difference is in knowing how to get motivated and more importantly how to stay motivated. There is an easy way and a hard way.

For other articles which you are free to use, see http://www.innerbonding.com

Title: What Is a Boundary? Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 756 Category: Relationships

What Is a Boundary? Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

My clients often explain to me how they set a boundary. They tell me something like, “I set a boundary. I told him he has to stop putting me down in public,” or “I set a boundary. I told her she has to be on time from now on,” or “I set a boundary. I told him he has to stop being critical of me.”

This is not a boundary. A boundary is not about telling another person what to do. It is about telling another person what YOU will do in face of other’s continued unkind or undesirable behavior. While it is hard for most people to accept, we cannot control another’s behavior. What we can control is our own response in face of others’ behavior.

A boundary is about telling your truth and taking action on it. For example:

“I’m no longer willing to be with you in public when you put me down. The next time you do that, I will announce to everyone that I’m unwilling to be put down by you any more. Then I will leave and take car or a cab home.”

“I’m no longer willing to be late to events because of you being late. The next time you are late, I will leave without you. If you continue to be late, then I will just plan on taking separate cars.”

“Your constant criticisms feel awful to me. From now on, when you are critical, I will tell you that it feels awful and leave room.”

Then, of course, you have to take action you have said you would take. If you do not take action, then what you have said is a manipulation rather than a truth. A boundary means nothing until you are willing to take action.