Perusing my list brought back some marvelous memories. I smiled as I remembered each sermon and where I preached it. Of course, I'm at that stage of life where old memory juices don't flow as deep as they once did.

Occasionally, I ran across odd sermon that didn't really look familiar. I must have preached them because they were on my list, but I had no recollection of them.

Every minister has three kinds of sermons in his repertoire.

(1) Sermons that hold wonderful memories as he reflects back on them. The preacher's main occupation, of course, is preaching. And nothing delights him more than pursuing his occupation with all his might.

When a sermon comes together, it is a magnificent thing. I grant you this doesn't happen often, but when it does it's wonderful.

The bad thing about a really wonderful sermon is you can only preach it one time. To me, this is not fair.

A singer, for example, can sing same song over and over and over. If it's a really good song, people in audience will even request it.

My idea of heaven is having people request that I repeat one of my good sermons. To date, no one has made such a request of me, which may mean none are worth repeating.

(2) Sermons he wishes he could forget and hopes everyone else has. Looking over my list of sermons, I was surprised by how many fit this category.

Here's a good example, "How to Give in To Your Wife Without Giving Up Your Manhood?"

I was 28 at time and had been married for about seven years. I thought I had a good grasp on this thing called marriage. Also, I thought I had some wisdom to share along this line. If memory serves me correctly, what I thought I knew I didn't.

I do remember Gracious Mistress of Parsonage setting me straight on that sermon. My manhood was severely challenged and I have never repeated that sermon since.

Here's another sermon I wish I could forget. "When Your Get-up and Go Got up and Went, Where Do You Go?" I have no idea what I was trying to get at. I sure hope I never run into any former parishioner who remembers this one.

(3) Finally, sermons long forgotten even by preacher himself. I noted that in 35 years of preaching I had quite a few belonging in this category. As I tried to remember some of these long forgotten sermons one thought struck me.

MARCH MADNESS & MERRIMENT!

-- Or, eccentric events and odd occasions to celebrate in March 2005 --

**Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon

Let’s see…it’s March. According to Calendar of Quips, it’s definitely third month of twelve, (which means we’re only one quarter of our way through “Year of Rooster”).

If you’re not blessed big bird ruling roost this year, then you'd better be really good at counting your chicks before they hatch.

On second thought, it's probably not a wise idea to rely on anyone laying proverbial golden egg on your doorstep anytime soon.

And whatever you do, don’t resort to any whining, snivelling, or whimpering tactics. There are no “wet-blanket appreciation days” this month!

So, fling your frowns on a fire, toss your troubles away, and while you're at it, why not try kicking up platform heels or doing a little soft shoe routine for a change!

Now that you've got your glad rags on, join in festivities of MARCH MADNESS & MERRIMENT!!

NOTE: Those with an allergic reaction to good times should definitely stay home and play mind games with their pets, or watch TV shows featuring “lifestyles of old coots and curmudgeons”, home renovation tips for couch potatoes, or how to impress guests with your favorite KD comfort food.

MARCH MADNESS & MERRIMENT EVENTS & CELEBRATIONS

1. MAD HATTER APPRECIATION DAY (If you’re late for a very important date who really cares? Put on your old TV rabbit ears, trap-door sleepers, and of wear a terrific smile!)

2. PISCES AWARENESS DAY (If you see a floundering fish or one swimming in two directions, you’ve hooked a Pisces; throw it back in drink and try to jig a puffer!)

3. MOPS 'N' MUSTACHCHIOS DAY (Time to wax poetic with your mop or create a handle-bar mustache to impress a secret admirer or fend off Hobgoblin from Heck)

4. EVERYONE’S ENTITLED TO MY OPINION DAY (Be a bit lippy or ludicrous, and sally or sashay forth to add your two cents worth about level of customer service at your local Passion Pit-Stop or your last trip to “Cloud Nine”)

5. FLUFF APPRECIATION DAY (In honor of all those who excel in art of bureaucratic bafflegab, delightful double-speak, and silver-tongued titillations)

6. BAGPIPE MUSIC APPRECIATION DAY (A fine way to appreciate mellifluous melodies of gifted wind bags and ancient bladders ...knowing full well why someone invented a convenient dampening device commonly known as “ear-plugs”)

7. NEVER ON A MONDAY (It’s time to loosen your collar, let your hair down, and break another house or workplace rule just for fun!)

8. SHOPPING QUEEN FOR A DAY (It’s fabulous feline appreciation day ...time to use your credit card to buy all those sparkly little gems for sale on TV Shopping Channel)

9. QUAGMIRE APPRECIATION DAY (Time to honor all “stick-in-the-muds” you know in great swamp, blessed bog or quick-sand-box of life ...don’t forget to say Hello and wave as you walk, jog or race by with a big beautiful smile on your face!)

10. PODUNK APPRECIATION DAY (A skill-testing occasion to see how many small, remote, isolated towns you can name without any help from a friend, family member or a former teacher)

11. FORTUNE COOKIE APPRECIATION DAY (It’s time to pay tribute to those tasteless wisecracking tidbits you crack open after a meal of tofu and stir-fried thingamabobs)

12. LOVE HANDLE & WATTLE APPRECIATION DAY (Never too late to flaunt your flab is it? Just make sure that it’s legal ...you don’t want a night in slammer do you!)