If you are someone who needs to find a way to forgive, here are best steps I’ve found (and no, it’s not simply, “I forgive you” and matter is settled. That only works for children who are two) in order to do that.

The first step to forgiveness is to ask God to help you to be willing to forgive. Forgiving someone because everyone else says you should or because you know it’s right thing to do will leave you feeling empty and angry if you try to force yourself to do so. Therefore, you must first ask God for willingness to forgive. The best way to do this is to say, “God, please soften hard places in my heart toward _________ so that I can be willing to forgive him/her.” Now, this is not a one-time and it’s done thing. It may take a few days of saying this repeatedly or it may take a few months if trauma has been damaging enough or if it was long-lasting. But that is first step—to be willing.

The second step for some may actually be first step. They may already be willing to forgive person, but just not know how. In this step person trying to forgive simply says, “Lord, help me to forgive ___________ for any and all wrongs they have done to me.” Again, this step may take some time. I have found that if you will say this every time your thoughts go to that person, sooner or later, your heart will begin to feel forgiveness.

Now many people stop there, and then wonder why later on forgiven person and circumstance surrounding that person doesn’t go away. You think, “I’ve forgiven them, so why don’t I feel better about it? Why is that still bothering me?” It’s still bothering you because you haven’t completed forgiveness process.

Sure, you’ve forgiven them, but what I’ve learned is that often there were two people in situation and you haven’t forgiven other person—you. I had a roommate in college who was like a sister to me for about 18-months. We were all-but inseparable. Then she found a boyfriend and suddenly friendship that I had invested a lot of time and emotion into changed in a way I wasn’t ready for. I was angry and hurt and afraid and lonely. She tried, but our friendship didn’t survive.

I knew I had to find a way to forgive her, and eventually I did. But I still felt horrible about way things had ended. Even after I re-established contact with her and got our friendship to a place where we both knew we were no longer angry and hurt, I still didn’t feel right about whole thing. Then, one day I heard someone say that you need to say, “I forgive myself for ever thinking I ever did anything wrong.” I forgive myself… That was part I had been missing. I had forgiven her, but I had never forgiven myself for large part I had played in whole mess.

"I don't have enough time in my day." If only I received a nickel each time I heard those words. Come to think of it, I do. Sort of.

Plenty of smart, successful people hire me to help them deal with issue of time management. Some have read latest time management books. Most use perfect day-planner or latest hand-held computer. Yet, they still struggle with ever-shrinking twenty-four hour day.

Even I, on occasion, have suspected some sort of global conspiracy to rob me of my most precious commodity. Do each of us really get only 24 hours in each day? I'm certain some fortunate souls get more. And some, it seems, get far less. Have you ever wondered why?

Having more time. Is it really as simple as learning a few new skills? Is it enough to make your daily list, prioritize that list and check them off as they're completed? I don’t think so.

I propose root of problem lies not with a lack of time but with how you experience your life in relation to time. How is your experience of time different when your day is filled with things you love to do versus filled with things you feel you HAVE to do.

Already, I can hear you passionately interjecting.

“Helaine, be realistic. How can I only do things I love to do? I have to work. There are mouths to feed, tasks to achieve and responsibilities to fulfill. People rely on me."

I agree, and here’s a taste of some foundational strategies I invite my clients to adopt in conjunction with any time management program. I challenge you to consider how these strategies might positively shift your thinking about not only managing your time but enjoying it.

You Come First

This strategy applies to everyone, but it especially applies to women. People do rely on you. Which is why it's so important to take care of you first. Surely, you're aware of golden goose idea. It serves no one to starve goose.

Oprah said it better in a recent "O Magazine" article. "If you allow yourself to be depleted to point where your emotional and spiritual tank is empty and running on fumes of habit, everybody loses. Especially you."

Our culture teaches otherwise, but paradox is that you owe it to yourself and those who rely upon you to become more selfish. Yes. Selfish. You can put yourself at top of your list without being mean or taking away from those who are most important to you. Just let idea sink in. I'll admit, in practice, it's not easy initially. But try it for 30 days. I can almost guarantee your life will look and feel dramatically more fulfilling than it does today.

The Purpose Driven Life