A few years later I ran up against another life lesson about forgiveness. This time it was with a co-worker who on outside seemed “lovey-dovey” but who was actually cunning, manipulative, and destructive. Unfortunately because of my position, I was in close contact with this person almost every day. I did my best to remember that she was hurting and that stuff she did really didn’t have to do with me, and generally just tried to stay above fray. After a year she left job, and I was elated because I felt I had “passed that test” without getting un-Christian about things she had done to me.

Over next several years, I went through other steps—forgiving her, forgiving myself. However, I still didn’t feel totally whole about situation. Then one day I was thinking about it, and I thought, “You know, I’ve never prayed to be at peace with what happened.” Immediately I started praying, “Lord, please help me to be at peace with this situation and with _______.” Eventually I did feel peace.

Shortly thereafter Lord placed a book in my hands that illuminated final step of forgiveness. I had forgiven her, I had forgiven myself, I was at peace with situation… But God doesn’t require that we simply “tolerate” people—He says that we should LOVE them. Boy, now that was a hard concept with this person. He wanted me to love her? Odious, would be word that comes to mind as God and I had that conversation. Nonetheless, I knew He was right.

It was then that I applied final step. I prayed, “Lord, please help me to love __________.” The first few times I just about choked on words, but more I said them, more feelings of hurt in my heart changed. Slowly something else began to take over. Then I began to really feel love toward this person and to pray for her in a way that I hadn’t before. However, I still wondered if it was real or if it was just act of my imagination that wanted so much to please God that I wanted it to be real.

Well, as always happens when you ask God a question, He sends an answer. My husband came home one evening, and he had been out on a job replacing some doors. This person came out and started screaming at him about if old keys would still fit and how were they going to lock building that night and how neighborhood thieves would probably make away with anything of value if they didn’t get it locked up properly. In short my husband was taken aback and shocked at this exchange. By time he got home, he was just plain mad. However, until that point he hadn’t told me who it actually was.

Then he said, “When she left, she said, ‘Tell Staci and kids I said hello.’” Until she said that, he hadn’t even realized who it was. As soon as he said that, I knew, and my suspicions were immediately confirmed when he told me who it was. The strange thing was—in my heart moment he said her name, there was nothing other than peace. Even as he continued to rant and rave about all stuff she had said, there was nothing but peace. Finally I said, “You know, it would sure be horrible to have to live life like that. Think about how many people want nothing to do with her and who are excited when she leaves room. I feel sorry for her. She really needs a lot of prayer.”

It wasn’t an act. It was honestly how I felt. And that, I think, is real forgiveness. And that, I guarantee you, is power of five steps.

Be willing to forgive

Forgive other person.

Forgive yourself.

Ask for peace.

Ask for love.

It will set you free in ways that you cannot even begin to fathom.

There's another option. You decide what's going to shape and drive your life. You choose vision for what your life is to be about, values you hold most sacred and kind of person you are to be. And you allow those three to shape and drive your actions in each moment. Life becomes much more joyful and productive when you can filter out all things that are not in alignment with your self-defined life purpose.

Just Say No

Once you’ve determined what’s important to you and how you want to spend your time you’ll need to protect it. Despite my aforementioned conspiracy theory, fact is everyone gets same 24 hours in a day. It's up to you decide how you'll invest those hours. And if you can't say no, you’ll end up doing some things you don’t want to do. Learning to say no creates boundaries that preserve precious time and will serve you and your purpose.

Be Here Now

Ram Dass brought this idea to fore in early seventies with his book, "Be Here Now." As busy humans living in 21st century, concept is no less important. We are geared and driven to do, do, do. She who gets most toys wins. There’s a balancing perspective to add to formula, however. Be-ing.

How might your experience of time, regardless of what you’re doing, feel different if you were aware, present in moment and full of a sense of be-ing? In other words, conscious of you -- your essence, your presence.

Get It Off Your Mind And Into A System

If it’s on your mind, it’s draining your energy. Keeping what you have to do on your mind creates mental stress. Think of your brain as RAM of your computer. There’s only so much it can hold until it crashes. Not only does your brain get clogged with 100 things you have to do, it can’t differentiate between their importance. Utilize a trustworthy collection system for your priorities, projects and tasks.

There are many time management systems available. Whether it’s a notebook you carry around, a mini tape recorder or a PDA, use a system to keep your brain available for higher functions. It's important to find one that fits your style and needs. For example, if you are technologically challenged, perhaps a computer-based time management system isn't best bet for you.

As another example, if you are not a morning person, it might be more prudent to schedule your most important tasks later in day, if possible. Think of a time management system as a pair of shoes. Make it fit comfortably and support you as much as possible.

Can you identify which of these foundations would be a good place for you to start? Where do you need most support? The result of these perspectives could open a new relationship to time and a more purpose driven life. Why not give it a try?

I’d love to hear your thoughts or feedback. Email me at helaine@pathofpurpose.com

It’s YOUR life…imagine possibilities!