As Thanksgiving approaches and we start making holiday plans, here are some things to keep in mind.

Perception: That it’s terrible to be alone for holidays. Reality: This is mostly a projection of married people who fear unknown or could not tolerate being alone before they were married. The reality is that single people who observe what goes on at holiday get-togethers between couples, 50% of whom are destined to be divorced at some point, think there are worse things than being single.

Perception: That single people are desperate to be invited over for Thanksgiving dinner. Reality: Single people have myriad options and no one to consult. I can go on a cruise, stay home in my bathrobe and declare it a non-holiday, do meaningful volunteer work at homeless shelter, invite friends over, or get a dinner reservation at a hotel. Or I can accept any one of numerous invitations I get. Contrary to what you might think, we single people are popular at holidays. Most of us have accomplished social skills and are welcome additions at holiday gatherings

Perception: Single people don’t know what to do for holidays. Reality: We’re used to planning our social lives actively, good at generating options, used to making unilateral decisions, and accomplished “mixers.” We’re pros!

When you’re invited give an immediate reply (after checking with partner if need be). It’s become a time when some people consider options and make a last minute decision, but you’ll score points if you accept or decline when asked. Your hostess wants to know you want to be at her house, not that you’re waiting for best offer.

If you decline, just say you’ve already made plans. If you accept, ask if you can bring something. Your hostess’ response will give you a clue to degree of formality to expect. If she says, “No, no, just bring yourself,” you can expect something more formal. If this begins a conversation about your bringing a dessert, probably semi-formal. If a side dish, more like a pot luck. Let hostess make suggestion. Many hostesses plan their meal carefully.

Some hostesses these days will ask you to bring something specific. “Could you bring a pecan pie?” The more congenial hostess will say, “Could you bring your world-famous pecan pie? John’s been talking about that since last …”

If you’re older and find this offensive, of course you can be offended, or go with times. Just like fact that you can’t count on getting anything traditional like turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy. I’m sure Emeril’s touting something dramatic and designer, and that may appear on your holiday table instead of any of above.

If hostess doesn’t volunteer, inquire about dress code. If she says “Come casual,” unless she specifically mentions jeans, wear business-casual. If it’s more formal, it’s customary to talk about men’s apparel, such as “Bill’s wearing a tie but no coat.”

If you’re going to have houseguests at time say, “Well, we’d love to but Alex’ folks will be here.” This leaves your hostess off hook in case she simply can’t accommodate two more people. She can then say, “Oh, I’m so sorry,” and that’s that. These social amenities are designed to keep us out of trouble. Reasons can hurt feelings. Phrase it so no reason need be given.

Manners is about making other person feel good.

The hostess will tell you when to come, i.e., “around noon,” or “2 o’clock.” She may give you an idea of how long you’re expected to stay by saying something like, “Come at 2 and we’ll eat at 3 so you can get back home to watch game at 5.” It’s not polite to say “Go home at …” so that’s a way around that.

When day arrives, it’s nice to bring a gift. It shouldn’t be food, because this might appear to compete with your hostess. A bottle of wine, a bouquet of flowers, or a box of nice chocolates will do.

From minute you arrive, you’re “on.” It’s responsibility of each person to contribute to making it a festive occasion. This means come armed with a smile, a jovial attitude, and a list of possible conversation topics. Nice safe ones are: weather, what their plans are for Christmas, where they’re from and what they do (if they’re new to you), movies, books, hobbies, children, recent travel, and light work topics, such as “I bet things are busy this time of year at dealership.”

Etiquette means avoiding topics that would upset people; that is, things that are innately controversial, such as political issues. It’s a time to relax and enjoy and get away from strife. Keep your conversation light and pleasant.