Perception: Single people are available to do certain physical tasks. Reality: This isn’t an invitation either: “Can you come over early and help out in kitchen. I’ve got my hands full.” What about her husband? Her sisters? As best-friend, yes; as only working-guest, absolutely not.

Perception: That only "happy" way to spend holidays is if you are a couple or part of a family. Reality: If that were so, half articles on Internet this time of year wouldn't be about how to cope with family at annual holiday get-togethers.

Perception: That single people are miserable during holidays. Reality: Yes, it can be difficult if it’s their first Thanksgiving after a divorce or after a spouse has died, but majority of single people are no more miserable than anyone else, and perhaps less so. Since being single (with grown children), I’ve had same levels of pleasure, same good and better holidays, but there’s one thing for sure – I’m more rested, and that in itself goes a long way.

So if you’re thinking about including a single person in your family gathering, make sure it’s because you want them there, not to fulfill a function or because you think they’d be miserable if it weren’t for your invitation. A guest is a guest, whether they’re single or married, and good manners prevail.

Avoid, on your own part, complaining, war stories, off-color jokes, anything you feel intensely about, nattering on about something that might bore others, getting drunk and inappropriate, and anger. It’s a day of thanksgiving – gratitude – after all.

After you’ve settled in and visited a bit, it’s time to ask hostess if you can do anything to help. Continue spending time with each guest, and if there are kids there, take your turn at entertaining them.

When it’s time to be seated, ask hostess, “Where would you like us to sit?”

Light and pleasant conversation should continue. If you want kudos from hostess here’s what usually happens and here’s what you can do about it: as soon as food is served, conversation ends. Everyone digs in and silence grows awkward. Be prepared with something like, “Goodness, this dressing is delicious. What do you put in it?” This will get conversation going again.

At table, be considerate of others. If it’s a big table and things are being passed, be sure salt and pepper get included. Start gravy several times.

Special tip: at nearly every table, someone is going to be asked to say blessing. Might it be you? I’d be prepared, if I were you.

At most tables there will be one conversation – of course a merry one if there are children there. If a really large group, talk to people on either side of you, and those across from you. You will get cues from hostess.

When everyone’s through eating, look to hostess for cues. If she starts clearing table, join in. If she doesn’t, leave everything as is.

After meal, it’s time to be thinking about going home. If you weren’t told beforehand, be watching hostess for cues. Let’s say you leave table and are invited into living room to sit. Maybe game’s on in which case you’re expected to stay till end. Maybe it’s not, and dessert is served then, or after-dinner liqueurs and/or coffee. Then hostess gets up and starts clearing table and putting things away. Offer to help, and then when that’s accomplished, it’s time to go home.

If no one gets up and conversation continues, watch host and hostess for yawns, stretching, or if they let conversation lapse. These are “get up and go” signs.

Then you say “Well we need to be going home now,” and host and hostess will protest, but do so anyway, say a nice good-bye with “thank yous” and you’re on your way.

It’s nice to send a written thank you note in next day or two.

Last thing to mention – if “the game” is a big deal for you, you’ll have to figure out a way to work around that. I was at one Thanksgiving feast where television was not turned on, and there were some very unhappy gentlemen there, including one I was with. So at least consider possibility and if it’s important to you, you’ll have to find out. You can use phraseology that doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings, i.e., “I’d love to but it’s really important to George to watch game at …” Your hostess can then tell you game is included, or accept your decline.

When you’re going as a guest, plan to have a good time and to make a positive contribution. Then you’ll be consummate Thanksgiving guest.