Ten Tips For Setting (And Keeping) Life Changing Resolutions

Written by Toni Coleman, LCSW


It’s time for that annual ritual of making (and breaking) our New Year’s resolutions. There is something aboutrepparttar idea of being able to start over that motivates us to pause (at least briefly) and reflect on our lives as they are, as well as how we would like them to be. Yet how many times have you thought back to last year’s goals and found that many or most of them were abandoned or just forgotten after a few months intorepparttar 101705 year?

Many of us have difficulty following through on our resolutions due to factors such as choosing unrealistic goals, not making them challenging enough and/or lackingrepparttar 101706 necessary motivation to stick with them.

The following tips should help put you onrepparttar 101707 right course and assist you in staying committed to your most important goals for 2003.

1. Start with a life vision

If you don’t know what you want your future to look like, how can you decide what areas of your life need to be worked on? Spend some quiet time TODAY reflecting on (and writing down) what is good, bad or incomplete. Then try to “see” your life if all of these areas were addressed and had become satisfactory to you.

2. Get organized

Clear away clutter. Go through paperwork, files, old bills and receipts, closets, drawers and storage containers. Decide what you need and will use and either throw out or give away allrepparttar 101708 rest. Put aside some time each week for this purpose. Focus on one area (or box) at a time until you are finished. Having available file drawer space, trash bags, file folders and pens handy will speed things along. Try not to handle any thing more than once. Make a decision and act on it immediately. After you have cleaned out you can think about your existing systems for management and storage and see if these need reworking or just some fine-tuning. Make sure you use ONE calendar to record everything. Otherwise you will either overbook, miss appointments and events or just waste a lot of time trying to constantly go back, re-do and sort out your schedule.

3.Expand your horizons and make a commitment to learning something new.

Challenging yourself will infuse you with greater energy and sense of purpose. It will help build your self-esteem to realize you are capable of more than you had previously believed. This new learning can also give you additional resources to assist you in your career, personal or love life.

4. Set challenging but realistic resolutions

Choose goals that stretch your ability muscles, yet are realistic and therefore less vulnerable to failure. Don’t respond to that negative inner voice that says; “oh, I’m not capable of that”. Instead, focus on what you truly desire for your life and relationships and let this be your guide.

Why Not Average Joe: Exploring Melana's Choice

Written by Toni Coleman, LCSW


Admit it. You snickered, rolled your eyes and laughed out loud asrepparttar group of "Average Joes" filed out of their bus to meet Melana that first night. You probably thought "no way" as you settled in for a soap about a beautiful girl's rejection ofrepparttar 101704 geeks. Indeed, Melana herself stated, "someone is messing with my head", asrepparttar 101705 next "average" guy stepped down to meet her.

However, inrepparttar 101706 episodes that followed, there was bonding, friendship and attraction between Melana and a number ofrepparttar 101707 guys. It actually began to look as though she was falling for at least one or two of them. Then camerepparttar 101708 twist. The "gorgeous" guys were sent in to challengerepparttar 101709 Joes and test Melana's ability to see pastrepparttar 101710 surface and choose based on what each man had to offer as a total package.

At that point, what were you thinking? Who was your front-runner? Did you think it possible thatrepparttar 101711 bonds that had been formed would be strong enough to hold Melana's attention- and heart? I'm guessing that many people did. I know a lot of people were routing for Adam or Zack.

So, what happened? Inrepparttar 101712 days that followedrepparttar 101713 final episode, virtually all ofrepparttar 101714 commentary centered on a very basic and "simple" explanation of Melana's choice. They all said it was about "looks".

While I agree that physical attraction played a significant role, I believe Melana's choice involved more than this. How we choose has to do with many things. These include:

* physical attraction * shared interests * social compatibility and friendship * intellectual compatibility * ability to communicate * basic values * level of self-knowledge * level of maturity and dating experience * personal and family goals

I am going to do a brief examination of how these played a role in Melana's final decision. Follow along with me and think about how these factors come into play in your meeting and dating life. Perhaps Melana's public struggle with these can provide some valuable insights into how you choose potential partners and assist you in your desire to makerepparttar 101715 best (and healthiest) choice for you.

Let me begin by stating an obvious point that we are all aware of. The circumstances and setting ofrepparttar 101716 meeting and dating that takes place on a "reality" show have little resemblance torepparttar 101717 real world of dating. Dates are chosen, as isrepparttar 101718 person who will be doingrepparttar 101719 choosing. They are sequestered in a beautiful, romantic place where all their physical needs are attended to and everyone can present themselves in their best light. The real world of money, time, energy andrepparttar 101720 need for making dating plans are all handled by professionals who go "all out". Even thoughrepparttar 101721 contestants spend weeks together, they are not confronted withrepparttar 101722 real life issues that singles inrepparttar 101723 dating world must deal with. Therefore,repparttar 101724 circumstances are idyllic. This has pros and cons. I think we all have a pretty good idea of what these are. The major plus is that everyone can present themselves "equally". The major drawback is that each relationship is limited to this fantasy existence, and there is no opportunity to see each other deal withrepparttar 101725 day to day challenges of real life.

Stepping back intorepparttar 101726 episodes prior torepparttar 101727 inclusion ofrepparttar 101728 "hunks", can you recallrepparttar 101729 great dates that Melana had withrepparttar 101730 guys? The group dates were full of laughs and bonding on a friendship level. We all enjoyed watching Dennis get torepparttar 101731 top and seerepparttar 101732 support and caring that were shown towards him. With each week, Melana discussed and demonstratedrepparttar 101733 attractions she was forming with different guys on different levels. A few rose torepparttar 101734 front ofrepparttar 101735 line as she eliminated based on not just looks, but onrepparttar 101736 "connection" she felt with each. Indeed, she used this word a lot. This connection was formed byrepparttar 101737 elements of:

* social compatibility and friendship * ability to relate * comfort level * basic attraction

Just prior torepparttar 101738 twist episode, Adam and Zack seemed to berepparttar 101739 front-runners. In their individual dates, they were able to get to a deeper level of communication. Personality issues arose. There was discussion centering on likes, dislikes, attitudes and some of their own personal and family history. They began to get a sense of each other’s basic values and goals. Their ability to relate verbally and intellectually started to come into play.

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