Does your father act like an attorney, interrogating you as if you were a defendant on witness stand? Is your mother-in-law master of subtle put down? Are you roasted turkey they carved up for dinner?

You love your family-yet dread holidays because you know that, following usual holiday debacle, main thing you'll be thankful for is waving goodbye to Mom and Dad, knowing you have a year to recuperate.

How do you duck potshots coming at you about your choice of friends, lack of a career, and way you dress, spend money or raise kids? How do you avoid traditional land mines of religion, politics and sex? How can you be honest with your relatives and not dig your own grave? What kind of group activities can you get group to do that won't lead to World War III? How can play, fun and spontaneity help you run family holiday gauntlet? How do you put on charm-and not pounds-at dinner table?

Why not change those exhausting holiday dynamics by taking some helpful tips from Relationship Expert Keith Varnum?

Here are some simple strategies that will not only help you to survive traditional family holiday visit-but actually enjoy it!

PREPARING FOR THE VISIT

The Boy Scout's motto, "Be prepared!" has never been more helpful than when going to visit family at holidays!

Enlist Allies

Form alliances with brothers, sisters and other relatives who are sympathetic to your plight. Agree to run interference for each other when criticism comes flying across dinner table. Hold mock question and answer sessions with your allies to practice gracefully fending off slings and arrows.

Prepare for Cross Examination

Get your answers ready for questions you know are coming about sensitive or touchy subjects. Have a ready response for inevitable "Do you have a well-paying job?" "When are you getting married?" and "Are you eating enough?"

Know Who You're Dealing With

Brief yourself and your date/friend on idiosyncrasies of your crazy uncle, your uptight aunt, your paranoid father, your over-protective mother, your bully cousin and off-the-wall personal inquiries from young kids in your family. Realize that holiday gatherings are a time bomb waiting to go off. A year's worth of pent up, unresolved tension and miscommunication show up at holiday dinner table. Don't become collateral damage!

Neutralize Opposition

The best defense is a good offense. Develop questions to ask that you can come back with to throw off your detractors. Lead conversation into constructive, supportive and "safe" realms by subtly shifting focus of dialogue with a quick response from a "family-friendly" perspective.

Recognize Rivalries

Be on lookout for subterranean rivalries between brothers, sisters and other relatives that might rear their ugly heads during dinner conversations. With lightness and humor, dance around landmines of old grievances and competitiveness.

Defuse Hot Buttons

Before visit, email, write or call your parents with carefully worded personal background information that will calm your folks' fears and pet peeves about you and your date or friend.

Create an Exit Strategy

Warn your family that your stay might be cut short. Come up with some good, socially acceptable reasons why you have to leave early. Have several backup exit plans ready to execute on short notice. Be real about how long you can handle being with your relatives. It's better to share fun and love with your family for a few hours-than boredom and hard feelings for a few days.

Set Realistic Goals

Shoot for simply "surviving" visit, rather than trying to get everyone to like you and approve of your lifestyle. Better to leave doors open to future communication than to burn bridges with older generations. Some new attitudes and social customs take folks a few years of repeated exposure to become comfortable with. Many parents suffer from Chronic Cultural Shock Syndrome.

SURVIVING THE VISIT

"Be of good cheer, end is near!" You only have to dodge bullets of family expectations once a year-and you don't have to stay any longer than you can keep on top of ruckus. Be light- hearted, playful and flexible-and enjoy family circus as much as you can!

Creative Question Answering

In this season of holiday gift buying, advertisers bombard us with messages, some of them contradictory. One ad tells us that best way for men to show love is to spend three months' salary on a piece of diamond jewelry. On other hand, MasterCard commercials remind us that there are some things ("Priceless" moments) that money can't buy.

"Oh, that's a sweet sentiment," you might say, "but can it really substitute for latest videogame or hot toy?" Very few children raised in this materialistic culture would say, "Gee mom, thanks for making my favorite meal. What a great Christmas gift!"

Yet 20 years from now, these same children probably won't remember items that they got for current Christmas. They will, however, recall special games that their family played together, time that their older brother took them to a movie, or way their parents tucked them in at night.

These are little moments, which over time, have a huge impact. Unfortunately people tend to take them for granted. With so much emphasis on holiday shopping, and on buying perfect gift, we can lose sight of importance of less flashy, but "priceless" gifts: gifts such as thoughtfulness and gratitude that we can give to one another all year round. A diamond may be forever, but its value is nothing compared to a lifetime of moments that money can't buy.