Survival Guide for the Holidays

Written by Keith Varnum


Continued from page 1

Takerepparttar Fifth

If you don't feel capable of safely answering a question, tell them you're not clear enough onrepparttar 111272 situation to give them a response right now. If they don't let you offrepparttar 111273 hook, develop a bladder emergency or "accidentally" spill your drink on yourself. Watch cocktail party scenes in old movies for skillful hints on how to escape any interrogation in a socially acceptable way.

Turnrepparttar 111274 Question Around

When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, simply ask themrepparttar 111275 same-or similar-question back. Or respond with a totally different question-especially about a subject that you know excites them. React in any way that will throw them offrepparttar 111276 track. To pull off this tactic, you have to use subtle skill. Add a dash of playfulness or humor and you'll get away with it.

Takerepparttar 111277 Japanese Diplomatic Approach

If you can't wholeheartedly agree with what someone is saying, you can respond inrepparttar 111278 spirit ofrepparttar 111279 famous Japanese phrase, "Ah- So." This diplomatic response translates literally into: "So it would appear." Without compromising your integrity, you can respond to almost any relative's narrow-minded statement with: " I can see how you can see it that way" or "I understand how you feel."

Get Your Stories Straight

Make sure you and your date/friend are giving everyonerepparttar 111280 same information aboutrepparttar 111281 same topics. Some relatives have nothing better to do than compare notes on what's been said.

Be Consistent

"This is my story, and I'm sticking to it." Make sure allrepparttar 111282 facts fit what your family knows aboutrepparttar 111283 rest of your life. The "consistency police" are usually on full alert at family gatherings.

Honesty isrepparttar 111284 Safest Policy

Eventually, inaccuracies and cover-ups tend to surface over time, so being truthful-torepparttar 111285 degree that you can-will serve you inrepparttar 111286 long run. Studyrepparttar 111287 pronouncements of politicians to learn how to expressrepparttar 111288 truth inrepparttar 111289 most vague-and least risky or offensive-way.

Choose Your Words Carefully

Certain words act as trigger mechanisms activating touchy egos, raw nerves, old wounds and painful memories. Use neutral, generic words with hypersensitive relatives. Avoid overly specific or graphic religious, political, racial and sexual references. With some relatives,repparttar 111290 generation gap can be as wide and deep asrepparttar 111291 Grand Canyon.

Put Yourself in Your Parents' Shoes

Inrepparttar 111292 privacy of your own mind, see if you can relate to what your parents' perspective might be about a given subject and adjust your response to allowrepparttar 111293 possibility of their point of view-however rigid, shallow or intolerant it might seem to you.

Pick an Agreement

Find something that you can authentically appreciate about every member ofrepparttar 111294 family, and, if possible, compliment them on that aspect of their lives.

Take Mental Health Breaks

Take strategic time outs when you feel you're reaching your limit of being able to cope with family judgement and scrutiny. Go torepparttar 111295 bathroom and splash water on your face. Go outside. Get a breath of fresh air onrepparttar 111296 porch or patio. Take a short walk and letrepparttar 111297 singing birds remind you that someone's having a good time today!

Volunteer to Get Lost

Volunteer for errands and duties that will get you out ofrepparttar 111298 house and out ofrepparttar 111299 line of fire. Disappear intorepparttar 111300 kitchen to washrepparttar 111301 dishes. Emptyrepparttar 111302 garbage. Go out to pick up something atrepparttar 111303 store. Give someone a ride. These chores buy you brownie points and atrepparttar 111304 same time give yourepparttar 111305 freedom and space to blow off steam fromrepparttar 111306 pressure cooker of family get-togethers. Userepparttar 111307 time to re-group and recharge your batteries.

Play Social Director

Suggest specific activities that allow everyone to happily interact-however superficial or contrived it might have to be. Group games, home videos, family album, tree decorating. Remember,repparttar 111308 goal is a good time for all, notrepparttar 111309 spiritual enlightenment of your relatives!

Taprepparttar 111310 Power of Humor

Wherever you see an opening, use humor, play, laughter and fun to keeprepparttar 111311 festivities light and flowing. The holidays are, after all, holy days-time to be spent celebratingrepparttar 111312 joy of togetherness andrepparttar 111313 love that connects you with your family and friends.

GOOD LUCK!



Drawing from the wisdom of native and ancient spiritual traditions, Keith Varnum shares his 30 years of practical success as an author, personal coach, acupuncturist, filmmaker, radio host, restaurateur, vision quest guide and international seminar leader (The Dream Workshops). Keith helps people get the love, money and health they want with his FREE "Prosperity Ezine" at www.TheDream.com.


THE MOST IMPORTANT GIFTS OF ALL

Written by Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.


Continued from page 1

Here are some examples of small gestures that can help people around you feel valued:

1. Show your appreciation with a thank-you, a smile or a hug (or all three.) It takes just a moment, but it can make a person's day.

2. Practice a random act of kindness every day. Make this your "gift" to a stranger. For example, let someone in front of you in line. Hold a door open for someone. Smile and greet people you pass at work. These acts take only a few seconds or less, yet they create a mood that can last for hours.

3. Call up someone you haven't spoken to in a while, just to catch up on how they are. You've probably been meaning to do this for a long time. Now is a good time.

4. If you have children, give one child at a time your full attention for an afternoon: Go for a walk; go torepparttar library; or just sit and read or draw together. The activity itself isn't as important as sharing time and interacting together. Going to a movie or watching a video doesn't count.

5. Write a note of appreciation to someone who is important to you. Don't be surprised if that person keepsrepparttar 111271 note for years to come.

6. Think ofrepparttar 111272 way you'd like to be remembered by those around you, and give of yourself accordingly throughoutrepparttar 111273 year. The added benefit for you is that you'll be in a more positive frame of mind overall.

Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Beyond Words Publishing, 2001)

Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.




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