Subtle AddictionsWritten by Dr. Margaret Paul
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as author resource box at end is included. Notification of publication would be appreciated.Title: Subtle Addictions Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2003 by Margaret Paul Web Address: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 642 Category: Personal Growth, Addictions SUBTLE ADDICTIONS By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Many people are aware of fact that addictions are used to avoid pain, and most of us are aware of common addictions: food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, TV, spending, work, sex, rage and so on. Most people, however, are not aware of more subtle addictions, addictions that are often so covert and pervasive that they are as invisible to us as air we breathe. Yet these addictions may be impacting us negatively as much as more overt addictions. Take Sam, for example. Sam is kind of person who ends up doing everything, both at home and at work. Sam works much harder in his retail business than either of his two partners, and often feels overwhelmed by amount of work he has to do. On weekends, he ends up doing a lot of work around house, even though he has two strong teenagers who could be helping out. Even when others offer to help, Sam turns them down. Sam is devoted to being a "nice guy" and caretaking others - doing for others what they need to be doing for themselves. On a deeper level, he is always trying to control how others’ perceive him. He wants them to see him as a caring person and often feel victimized when others do not give him approval he seeks. Then, when others react to his attempts to control how they feel about him with irritation or withdrawal, Sam is angry that they are not approving of him. When he is really upset, he will get drunk. He will often obsessively ruminate about how unjust his wife is or his partners are. If his wife wants to explore their problems, Sam goes into defending, explaining and resisting, stating that she is just trying to control him. When nothing else works, Sam will withdraw.
| | Your Success Formula Written by Maret McCoy, Executive Coach
Have you ever made great progress with your goals but then found yourself losing focus and getting side-tracked? Do you ever achieve significant gains but then get distracted and “fall off wagon,” so to speak? As we all know, everyday life can get in way of reaching our most important goals. My clients often ask me how to get back in groove when they’ve veered off course. They often say things such as: “I was doing so well. How can I get back on track and recoup all advancements I’ve made?” A technique I recommend is to write a “success memo.”A success memo outlines key elements that exist when you are at top of your game. It lays breadcrumbs that lead you back to a place where you have a winning state of mind and can refocus on your most important goals. Your memo provides you with your personal success formula: step-by-step instructions on how to get back on course, consolidate your gains and move up to next level. For example, I have a client who is required to travel internationally for business every few months. Upon return from these trips, she would often feel “off kilter” and it would take her several weeks to regain her energy and momentum. I asked her what made her feel off balance. She responded that upon return, she would feel sluggish, edgy and ungrounded. I then asked her to identify what it was about international travel that caused her to feel this way. She replied: - Not getting enough sleep because colleague she travels with (her superior) likes to work late at night - Feeling stiff and cramped from long hours on plane, lugging heavy bags, not stretching, etc. - Lack of personal downtime because she was always on go during her trips.
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