There are many addictions going on here. The more overt ones are work, anger and drinking. Sam is also addicted to approval, to controlling how others see him through caretaking, to being a victim and blaming others for his misery, to obsessive thinking (ruminating), to defending, explaining, resisting, and withdrawing. All of these addictions serve same purpose as more overt addictions. They are all attempts to have control over getting love/approval and avoiding pain.

You might want to honestly look inside and see what some of your covert addictions are. Are you addicted to blaming others for your unhappy feelings? Do you use anger or tears to attempt to make others responsible for you? Are you addicted to illness as a way to avoid personal responsibility for yourself? Do you constantly give yourself up in an attempt to control how others feel about you? Are you more focused on trying to control others feelings about you than you are in taking loving care of yourself? How much of your thinking time is spent in daydreaming about what you want to say to others or how you wish life was instead of actually taking loving action for yourself? Do you get obsessive in your thinking about what you will say or do in a particular situation? How often do you explain and defend yourself rather than open to learning? How often do you get angry or withdraw to avoid dealing with yourself? How much time do you spend analyzing and figuring out yourself and others as a way to have control?

Any behavior other than taking loving, responsible care of yourself and being open to learning with yourself and others is addictive. All addictive behaviors are attempts to control rather than learn. Our intent to control or to learn actually governs all our behavior, and is basis of powerful Inner Bonding process that gradually heals addictive behavior (see our free course at http://www.innerbonding.com).

I then asked her to pinpoint elements that exist when she feels strong, energized and at top of her game.

She replied: - Regular exercise - Adequate sleep - Stretching - Writing in her journal - Time alone

These are things that make her feel balanced and grounded. She now knew what was missing during her business trips and could take specific action steps to remedy situation. Now she packs her workout clothes so she can exercise on road, brings her journal, and stretches on plane and throughout each day on her trips. She also sets boundaries with her colleague by (politely) letting him know she cannot work into wee hours of morning. She now returns from her trips with more energy and a greater internal capacity to transition back into her everyday life with a positive mindset. What are essential elements of your personal success formula? Create a list and use it to write your own success memo. This week, schedule a small block of time in your calendar to get started. Once you’ve completed your memo keep it close by as a guide to operating at your personal best. Here’s to your success!