Here are two blurbs that I found posted on Web, along with my analysis and revision.

1. BEFORE:

Rudy, Exelrod & Zieff LLP has been very pleased with results of its website developed through Lawinfo.com. Because our firm is easily locatable through major search engines, we are finding that numerous people are contacting us who otherwise would not. Additionally, Lawinfo.com handles modifications of our website easily and otherwise provides good service. Sincerely, Alan Exelrod, Rudy, Exelrod & Zieff LLP, www.reztlaw.com

PROBLEMS:

"Numerous people" is vague. I would ask this attorney how many that would be - three a month, thirty a day or what? "Handles modifications of our website easily" is unclear - does it mean that Lawinfo.com makes changes soon after you e-mail them in, or that they have a procedure in place to enable site owners to do it themselves? While this question is undoubtedly answered elsewhere on site, it can usefully be clarified within a testimonial like this as well. Next, what is meant by "provides good service"? I don't think "Sincerely" is necessary. Finally, all testimonials should have quotation marks around them to make it explicit that these are customer's exact words.

AFTER:

I finished getting those major projects done, and turned to tweaking of inside that needed doing - taping, floating and painting cracks in walls from foundation, re-wallpapering one bathroom, a cracked window, a cabinet off hinges, new flooring in two bedrooms, on electrical outlet that doesn't work ...

Are you screaming? I don't like those nitty gritty little details do you?

So I got out my Gooding Accountability System (mailto:sandyg@swbell.net), made to-do list, and prepared to assemble casts of thousands.

I'm spoiled because I used to have a repairman who did everything, but he died. He was about 80 years old last time he came out. There aren't a lot of young people with his range of skills or his honesty and also he was an independent. He didn't arrive in a truck with all new appliances in it when he came to *repair* dryer. He would tell me to keep repairing my 15 year old dryer because "they don't make them like they used to." An honest repairman.

I haven't been able to replace Herman, God rest his soul in peace.

So I called some friends to find out whom they were using. No one returned my calls. I get particularly frustrated once I get ready to take action and my first-line asssaults don't work. I got busy with other things and what's happened?

Nothing. And two more months have gone by.

Thursday phone rang and it was Ken Brodeen. He's realtor I'd spoken with 6 months ago about selling my house. He'd come out to look house over and tell me what to do to make it sell fast.

I was delighted. "Ken," I said, "I've completed big projects. It's all these nasty little things..." I said I was having trouble finding repair people.

Ken proceeded to go down list with me about what needed doing. He said he had a painter, a carpenter, a carpeting person he worked with. He also told me if I replaced carpeting I'd get 1/2 of it back, but house would sell much faster -- expert advice I needed. He said he worked with a carpeting person who would defer payment until after house closed. He said he would email me a list.

An hour later email appeared, but more miraculously that afternoon painter called ME and is coming over Monday. The carpeting woman called ME and is coming over Monday. The repairman called ME and is coming over Monday.

And when each one called me, they knew all about me and what I needed done because Ken had called each one of them.

Ken wants my business and he's built up a referring network of professionals who also want to do business and can solve all his client's needs. In four hours he'd solved problems that had been dragging at me for months.