Word Count: 600 words

Thanks, Claudette Rowley ==============

Sign Your Own Permission Slip Claudette Rowley Copyright 2003

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by things you didn't do than by ones you did do. So throw off bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch trade winds in your sail. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain

Growing up, permission slips were a big part of school life - essential to participating in special projects, field trips, or class trips out of state. For me to take part in any adventure outside of classroom, my mother or father had to sign slip. Now, as an adult, I can sign my own permission slip. In fact, I don't even need one! Yet I realize how often I don't give myself permission to be who I want to be or do what I want to do.

How many times have you decided that you wanted something, and then denied yourself permission to have it or even ask for it?

In my experience, here are top ten beliefs that cause people to deny themselves permission to want what they want:

- I can't afford it. - I don't deserve it. - What will other people think? Someone might not like it. - "In my family, we don't desire things like that. My parents had same sofa for twenty years. Why should I be any different?" - What if I get it and decide that I don't like it? - I might fail. - I might succeed. - I can't have THAT (it's too big, too small, too expensive, too fill-in-the-blank). - I'll have to step outside of my comfort zone. - And essence of all resistance: "I am afraid."

Title: Are You Invisible? Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2003 by Margaret Paul Web Address: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 754 Category: Emotional Healing, personal growth

ARE YOU INVISIBLE? By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Ellen was brought up to be invisible. She was taught to be very tuned into others’ feelings and needs, but to never have any of her own. Her family made it clear to her that her job was to give to them but to never expect anything in return. As a result, Ellen learned to be totally tuned out to her own feelings and needs. It was as if she, as a person, didn’t really exist, other than to be there for others.

When Ellen’s feeling and needs did surface, she would tell herself that they weren’t important, that she was strong and could handle not having her feelings cared for and or her needs recognized. She convinced herself that if she just cared enough about others, others would eventually care about her. It never happened.

The inner stress of never attending to her own feelings and needs and always feeling so invisible to others as a result finally took a toll on Ellen’s health. Ellen is now dealing with cancer and finally has to attend to herself.

Many of us have learned to be invisible – to ourselves and to others. What are some of ways you create invisibility?

Do you remain silent, not speaking up for yourself, when feeling discounted or unseen by others?

Do you ignore your own feelings and needs in deference to others?

Do you go along with what others want, even if you really want something else?

Do you accept blame for things that you know are not really your responsibility?

Do you put aside your own opinions and accept opinions of others to be accepted?

Do you accept disrespectful behavior from others, finding ways to excuse behavior?

Do you pretend everything is okay when you are really feeling lonely or sad?

Are you conflict avoidant, preferring peace at any cost rather than rock boat?

Are you carrying too much of load at home or at work, without complaint?