Here is an example from my own life. Recently, I've been paying closer attention to what I want and how quick I sometimes am to deny myself. For instance, I'm developing some new strategic alliances in my business. I've noticed how rapidly limiting beliefs will surface, such as, "Don't even bother to call that person. She won't return your call." If I don't stay conscious and aware, I'm stopped in my tracks. I have to keep recognizing what I want and giving myself full permission to have it without judgment.

Here are some steps to get you started: 1. Recognize what you want. 2. Refrain from judgment. 3. Give yourself permission to want what you want. 4. Take action required -- for example, asking, buying, giving. 5. Notice what opportunities open up for you and what opens up inside of you.

Following these steps may feel uncomfortable; you might feel fear. That's okay. These are simply signs that you are moving away from what's been comfortable to you. You are growing!

Each time you acknowledge what you want, refrain from judging it and act on it, you enter flow of life. Life wants to give you what you want. Our socialization (see ten limiting beliefs above) tends to complicate matters and have us believe otherwise. Recognizing what you want and giving it to yourself is a skill. And like most new skills, it requires building "muscle." The more you work muscle, easier it is to move.

In end, you are only one who can sign your own permission slip. As 2003 draws to a close, what's permission slip you want to sign?

------------------------------------------------------------------ Claudette Rowley, coach and author, helps professionals identify and pursue their true purpose and calling in life. Contact her today for a complimentary consultation at 781-676-5633 or claudette@metavoice.org. Sign up for her free newsletter "Insights for Savvy" at http://www.metavoice.org.

Do you allow yourself to be violated in any way – physically, emotionally, verbally, sexually – to avoid rejection?

Do you allow others’ anger or bullying to control you into doing what they want?

Do you do everything yourself, never asking others for help?

How often do you end up feeling unappreciated, unseen, not valued? How much of this is a reflection of how you treat yourself?

If your own feelings and needs are invisible to yourself, they will end up being invisible to others. It is not realistic to constantly put yourself aside and then expect others to value and respect you. Anytime you tolerate uncaring or disrespectful behavior in others to avoid conflict, you are training others to see you as invisible, to not care about your feelings and needs.

If you have been allowing yourself to be invisible for a long time, it is a real challenge to start to care about yourself. You need to be willing to go through a difficult period of feeling others’ anger and resentment. After all, you trained them for years to not have to care about you or see you, and now you are changing rules. They won’t like it, but they will eventually respect you for it. You will also discover in process of caring about yourself who really cares about you and who has just been using you. Those people who really care about you will eventually applaud your self-care, while those who were just using you will go away or be constantly angry with you for changing.

It takes great courage to shift from invisibility to being seen and valued. It takes great courage to be willing to lose others rather than continue to lose yourself. Yet, like with Ellen, your very life may depend upon it. Hopefully, you will not wait until you are ill or feel alone and cast aside by others to start to become visible to yourself.

It must start with yourself – with learning to tune into, acknowledge, value, and take loving action for yourself regarding your own feelings and needs. It means moving into personal responsibility for your own feelings and needs rather than taking care of everyone else in hopes they will eventually take care of you. If you are ever going to feel cared for and loved, it has to start with you caring about and being loving to yourself!