Should You Express Feelings at Work?

As Emotional Intelligence becomes latest buzz word, and enters military, business and corporate worlds, question arises: “Should you express your emotions at work?” Many people think that’s what Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is about. This question is similar to, “Do you think emotions belong in workplace?” The answer to both is – Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter what you think, it’s a reality. We bring our emotions to work place. We also express them in workplace. The key is awareness. It’s already going on. EQ is about managing all this intelligently. Emotional Intelligence is about self-awareness. That’s beginning. Knowing your own feelings, understanding where they come from and how they work, managing them, and being able to make rational decisions making use of information they provide. Our emotions, after all, guide us. In a very real sense, we ARE our emotions. Once you can do this for yourself, you can apply this knowledge to others. We like to think it’s a matter of choice – expressing them or not – but that’s less often case than you might think. I was reminded of this a couple of months ago when I was speaking on a cruise. I broke my ankle on second day out. They put a soft cast on it in Mexican hospital, and I awaited my return to US to get it taken care of. Yes, it hurt, and I wasn’t able to do much, but to me it wasn’t intolerable. When I went for meals, I didn’t want my tablemates’ vacation to be “inconvenienced” or to “worry” them about such a thing while on their vacation, something “unpleasant.” That’s what we get away for, right? So there I sat, eating and making polite conversation, acting as if nothing were wrong (though of course cast was evident) but every time I changed position even slightly, I winced. The gentleman sitting across from me said, “Does your foot hurt?” “No,” I replied, not wanting to cause concern. The next time it happened, same question, “Is your foot hurting?”

“No,” I replied.

This time he challenged me, annoyed, with “Why do you tell me it doesn’t hurt when it shows all over your face?” The thing is that we DO show how we’re feeling, whether we want to or not. It can be subtle, in which case some people will miss it, but others who are more perceptive will pick up on it. When we see expressions on people’s faces we can at least tell something’s wrong, though we may not be able to read emotion and figure it out exactly. In this case, it was rather obvious since they knew I’d broken my ankle. I asked myself why I felt like concealing how I was feeling (though I didn’t do it very well). There are reasons why we do. It could be we don’t want to make other people uncomfortable, or don’t want to appear “weak” or “overly emotional.” Perhaps it’s cultural norm you grew up with (as in my case … you don’t talk about unpleasant things ‘at table’), or culture you’re currently in. Perhaps we’d rather ignore it ourselves, with “stiff upper lip” philosophy, or because we think there’s nothing anyone else can do about it. Or in our family of origin, perhaps when we didn’t express a negative feeling, nothing WAS done about it, so we no longer expect it, and keep it to ourselves. But what happens when we don’t? For one thing, we send mixed messages and, as with my table companion, this annoys other people. It erodes trust. To him, I was lying. I was saying I wasn’t in pain (verbally) when I was (nonverbally,

Winners vs. Losers

Is gambling for winners or for losers? Well, answer to that question just might depend upon where you place your stakes. Lev. 27:28 tells us, "… no devoted thing, that a man shall devote unto to LORD of all that he hath, both of man or beast, and of field of his possession, shall be sold or redeemed: every devoted thing is most holy unto LORD." Perhaps one of reasons we don't devote our children to God, and really mean it, is because we only want our children to be blessed unless it means losing them as missionaries. Maybe we serve God but aren't entirely consecrated for fear we'll lose total control of our lives ... that idea of being slave to anyone, including Christ, is a little more than we can bare. Surely, there is no one we can depend upon, more than ourselves, to fix our financial blunders (even if it means working Sundays) and a tithe is all God has right to ask for (and certainly all we can afford to risk) ... WRONG!