Should You Express Feelings at Work?Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach
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facial expression). It was “little white lie” in my culture; a big lie in his. He was an outspoken guy, a rancher from rural Texas. He wanted it all out on table. When we don’t express our emotions, but they’re “leaking out” or when we plaster a “mask” on our faces, removing all expression (or trying to), we’re perceived as “being hidden.” This erodes trust. Most of emotional content in communication takes place nonverbally, as it did in this exchange. We were talking as if nothing were wrong, when my facial expressions (evidently) were showing pain. I wasn’t that aware of … which, often we are not. Had this been on occasion where I wanted, or needed, to hide how I was feeling, it would help me to be more aware of my expressions, yes? This was a social occasion, and here was result. When I finally came out (to his way of thinking) and “admitted” I was in pain (I thought they would know, of course!), I received lots of help. They moved a chair so I could put my foot up, they escorted me from dining room, they were solicitous of my well-being. These are all nice things! And here’s other side of communication coin … in back of my mind, I was sure everyone “knew” I was in great pain. Have you ever broken a bone? It’s excruciating! I assumed everyone knew that and that his question meant … “Assuming you’re in pain, is it tolerable? It is intolerable? Is there anything we can do? Can we help you?” (We leave out a lot of words in our communication, and we always carry a lot of assumptions into conversations.) When we express our emotions (appropriately) at work, same things can happen. For instance, if you’re confused by instructions you’ve been given, it’s best to express this. Then you can get clarification you need. If you’re annoyed by noise your colleague is making at their desk, if you express it, then it can be solved. If you’re frustrated someone’s not making a deadline, or disappointed when a colleague’s let you down, it’s best to express it verbally and appropriately, rather than bottle it up inside, or fail to address situation, or leave all those assumptions rattling around.Equally as importantly, if you're on a project team and you are sceptical about a procedure, or have a gut feeling a strategy isn't going to work, these feelings must be expressed for success of venture. Our emotions guide us. We ignore them to our peril. When we deal with our emotions at time, it keeps little things from becoming big issues. It keeps you out of place of resentment. It allows you to get what you want and need, and for others to as well. Work is about people, emotions and relationships. In order to make this work best, we need to acknowledge feelings are there, and deal with them. That’s what emotional intelligence is all about. We’ve done a good job at treating intellectual side of work. We hire people for their academic degrees, credentials, and experience. Then we train them in skills, providing graduated experience for them to learn from, and mentor them in technical areas or send them to classes. What’s been ignored is coaching in “people” element, what’s commonly called “soft” skills. Emotional Intelligence coaching is about training in emotional management, communication, leadership, vision, resilience, flexibility and other EQ competencies. Businesses don’t succeed, people do. Take care of “people” side of equation with EQ.
(c)Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, business programs, internet courses, teleclasses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional development. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine.
| | Winners vs. LosersWritten by Joyce C. Lock
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For every occasion we stand with Satan in calling God a liar, by our lack of faith in His promises, we've gambled to lose. We can't out give God. Lev. 27:28 gives us an additional guarantee ... in EVERYTHING that is DEVOTED to HIM, YOU CAN'T LOSE!!! So, choose to win!© by Joyce C. Lock http://my.homewithgod.com/blessingsandlessons/ This writing, as well as all of Joyce C. Lock's writings, may be individually used, in their entirety, with credits in tact; for non-profit ministering purposes.
Joyce C. Lock is a published author, poet, and columnist. In addition, she founded and maintains the e-mail ministries "Heavenly Inspirations" http://our.homewithgod.com/heavenlyinspirations/ and "Share a Smile" http://groups.yahoo.com/group/smilesharing/ . Joyce's writings encourage us in our relationship with God and each other.
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