Age is not a prerequisite to grief. Not unlike their parents, child must be allowed to experience
stages of grief. Denial of opportunity to “release” feelings, participate in family loss, and share in recovery can be very damaging to health and well being of child.You do not have to be a psychologist or therapist to understand and use basic tools to address needs of a grieving child. It does require recognition that “kids are people too,” and acceptance that their process of mending is no different than adults. Whether death or divorce, stages of a child’s emotional recuperating are very similar to adults, and must be fully addressed by parents in order to reap positive results.
Never assume you know what your child may be thinking or feeling. Even in closest relationships, he or she will keep their most intimate feelings as they assess, for themselves, impact of emotional trauma and related environment issues that have been forced upon them.
There are general stages of grief manifested in behaviors, attitudes and changes similar to following:
Initial Shock which can be manifested in periods of withdrawal and silence or through wild behavior and disobedience;
Emotional Release which is a stage of becoming more aware of their loss and reacting with dramatic release of various emotions including crying without cause, striking siblings or becoming easily provoked. Some youth may exhibit a variety of disruptive behaviors in school in addition to anti-social responses at home;
Physical Symptoms include sleepless nights, nightmares, abnormal eating habits and digestive problems; and finally Guilt Feelings exhibited by blaming others for what they feel they have done to create situation.
The road to recovery for youth may require that adults take a proactive role. There are several activities parents can use to create an atmosphere of comfort and support. These activities also encourage a closer communication between parent and child that moves far beyond immediate crisis.
Encourage your child to prepare a picture album of favorite activities thy experienced with loved one. This may include family outings, birthday celebrations, or special events and holidays.
Encourage child to write a story or “diary of events” about positive experiences they remember when loved one was with them (purchase a colorful diary or notebook and include a “special pen” child can use for this activity. Make this a personal experience for them that no one else can share. Do ask to read their diary entries or short stories. Let them offer to share when they are ready. If child is unsure how to begin, suggest they develop a summary around picture album.
Encourage child to draw pictures of pleasant memories. Purchase a combination of crayons, paint and brushes. Make project unique to them. Keep it easy and convenient to begin by making it clear supplies will be available as they find need for them. The key here is to make sure their interest in expressing themselves is not dampened by lack of supplies.
