Should I Give Up Me To Not Lose You?

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.


Continued from page 1

Joe is extremely neat, while Julia has a hard time putting things away. Roberta is always on time while Cecelia is always late. Maggie is a spender while David is a saver. Carl has a high sex drive while Andrea has a low sex drive. Angie is an authoritarian parent while Curt is a permissive parent. Ronald is highly social while Greg is a homebody. Depending upon whether or not each person is open to learning, these differences can lead to:

Constant conflict One partner giving in to avoid conflict Both partners opening to learning and growing as a result of their differences

The outcome of these conflicts depend entirely upon intent. There are only two possible intents in any given moment: The intent to protect against pain orrepparttar intent to learn about loive.

When one or both partners haverepparttar 111234 intent to protect against pain, then they will find many controlling ways of avoiding dealing withrepparttar 111235 differences. They may argue, defend, withdraw, blame, give in, resist, explain, and so on, Each is intent on having their way, not being controlled byrepparttar 111236 other, or avoidingrepparttar 111237 other’s rejection. This will always lead to distance and unhappiness inrepparttar 111238 relationship. The problem is not inrepparttar 111239 differences themselves, but rather inrepparttar 111240 unwillingness to learn and grow fromrepparttar 111241 differences.

When both partners are open to learning about their differences, their differences become fertile ground forrepparttar 111242 exciting process of personal and spiritual growth and healing.

We cannot make another person be open to learning – we don’t have that control over others. If you are in a relationship where your partner refuses learn and grow fromrepparttar 111243 differences, then you need to be honest with yourself regarding how much of yourself you can give up and still maintain a sense of integrity. You cannot afford to compromise your personal integrity. You can bend and accommodate as long as you do not feel as if you are losing yourself. Once you feel that you are losing yourself to preserverepparttar 111244 relationship, you will likely find yourself so resentful ofrepparttar 111245 other person thatrepparttar 111246 relationship begin to fall apart anyway as a result of giving yourself up. You are not preserving it by accommodating – you are destroying it while losing yourself.

The key is to be willing to come up against conflict and rejection, and even loserepparttar 111247 other person rather than continue to accommodate when going along with what your partner wants means a loss of your personal integrity. Onrepparttar 111248 emotional and spiritual level, you can afford to lose your partner but you cannot afford to lose yourself.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com


Helping Children Cope With Grief

Written by Theresa V. Wilson, M.Ed.


Continued from page 1

The key ingredient is your openness to explore whatever creative ideas are necessary to help your child move throughrepparttar grief process and not become stagnate in any one phase. In helping children cope withrepparttar 111233 loss of someone they love keeprepparttar 111234 following in mind:

 Be honest and direct and truthful in explaining what happened. Creating stories to “protect” feelings may makerepparttar 111235 grief process more difficult inrepparttar 111236 long run.

 Allow and encourage children to express their feelings openly. Let them know that crying is normal, helpful and acceptable. Don’t put time limits on this process. Each child is unique and will move along at a pace most comfortable to him. Don’t compare or contrast one child from another and categorize strength or weaknesses. Help them know you accept their feelings, support positive choices and will guide them through negative experiences alongrepparttar 111237 way.

 Accept individual emotions and reactions and don’t tellrepparttar 111238 child what he or she should or should not feel.

 Listen to whatrepparttar 111239 child is saying then focus on responding torepparttar 111240 child’s needs. Avoid putting words in their mouth or thoughts in their head. Become a good listener.

 Be a strong foundation, maintaining as much stability inrepparttar 111241 child’s life as you can.

 Encouragerepparttar 111242 child to be part of some ofrepparttar 111243 decisionsrepparttar 111244 family will make duringrepparttar 111245 death planning process. Take time to explainrepparttar 111246 process and procedures and always ask them how they feel. Don’t band them from discussions.

 Be patient, recognizing that children may need to hear what happened again and again and will askrepparttar 111247 same questions over and over. Not unlikerepparttar 111248 learning curve in school, repetition is helpful to reinforcingrepparttar 111249 meaning of an end of life process.

Grieving is an individual wilderness experience that is not exclusive to adults. Shock, anger, denial, guilt and behavior changes are human responses. Children need adults to help them connect to their resources, maintain a positive attitude, and walk in faith believing that they will heal and get through it. Knowing that someone cares will help make their “wilderness” journey easier to bear. You will both be victorious if you take a step back from your own pain and remember that children grieve too.

All rights Reserved. Permission is granted to electronically reprintrepparttar 111250 following article as long as no changes are made andrepparttar 111251 byline, copyright information, and resource box. Minimal content editing is allowed; however, you may request changes torepparttar 111252 content by e-mailing requested changes. Off line printing is permitted. Please send a copy ofrepparttar 111253 article on publication to: VMAssociates, Inc., PMB 47182, Windsor Mill, MD 21244.



Theresa V. Wilson, M.Ed. is a freelance writer and owner of a home based business dedicated to providing products and resources for grieving families and caregivers facing health recovery and crisis related issues. Her Grief and Health support sites are www.meetingtheneeds.org and www.renewingyourhealth.org


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