I was at this soccer practice with my daughter, and feeling just a bit out of place as only dad there. When I heard this exchange, it reminded me of ways we can blindly follow “old school” concerning how we raise boys. The old school says that boys should be tough, independent and reject feelings of being weak or fearful. When I heard this mother ask her son if he was tough, I wanted to say, “ All he wants is for you to ask if he’s OK!”

What does raising “tough and independent” boys create?

Men generally haven’t received training in “emotional intelligence” that women have. They have a harder time identifying their own feelings, as well as feelings of others. They have been trained from an early age to learn that being tough is more important than showing feelings.

When you employ old school of raising tough and independent boys, you damage boys’ ability to feel closely connected to others and their ability to have awareness of their own feelings. Boys learn to “swallow” feelings of inadequacy or weakness.

The problem with swallowing these feelings is that it impacts ones’ ability to access other feelings as well. Emotionally intelligent people have access to all of their feelings, not just ones that are pleasant for them.

The result of swallowing these feelings may be fathers and men who are “successful” (they make a lot of money), but who are not in touch with their own feelings and have difficulty in nurturing themselves or their children. They tend to have tremendous difficulty in developing successful relationships with their loved ones.

Most of men walking around today report they either don’t remember being hugged by their fathers and/or they have never heard their father say “I love you” to them. It’s easy to see why men often struggle in this area. Falling into trap of old school for boys is easy because it’s been standard for fathers for a very long time.

It is entirely normal and natural for fathers to have conflicting thoughts about this subject. There will probably be a part of you that wants your son to be tough enough to handle a tough, competitive world.

There may be another part of you that doesn’t want your son to divorce three wives--each of whom he blames for failed marriage—and who buys a red sports car and hangs out at singles bars when he reaches age 50.

Here’s something for January besides usual diet promises. The start of calendar year is a wonderful time to celebrate life and new beginnings. It is no wonder so many of us choose this time to set goals for ourselves.

Most of us define goals as objectives that are within our control to obtain. Wishes, on other hand, are our hopes and our dreams. It might seem impractical, but we still throw pennies into fountains and long for our wishes to come true. Here, we offer a different take on standard New Year’s resolutions. Introduce your family to goal setting in a fun, child-friendly way.

Begin at dinner by discussing your own wishes and asking other family members to do same. Give everyone a day or two to organize their thoughts, then gather in room where your family feels most comfortable and begin to write. Let each person write as much (or as little) as they want. Leave a piece of paper on breakfast table or in car in case someone is suddenly inspired.