What fathers can do to raise emotionally intelligent sons •Examine your own ideas and practices concerning how you raise your son. Do you allow him to express his full range of feelings, or do you push him away emotionally if he’s showing sadness, weakness, vulnerability, etc?

•Practice, practice, practice. Catch yourself when you’re in old patterns; try saying more things like, “that must have been hard for you” or “boy, I understand how foolish you must have felt.” (These work on wives, too).

•Occasionally share feelings with your son in an age-appropriate way; this will encourage him to feel safe enough to share his feelings with you. Don’t be afraid to tell your son that you were afraid at times as a child and that you still get scared today.

•Be involved in your son’s life enough to know who else might be enforcing “old school.” That could include teachers, coaches, day-care providers, other family members, etc. Since old school is all around us, have courage to step in and make change happen even though you’ll be judged by others (“You’re gonna end up with a wimpy mama’s boy”).

•Show physical affection to your son. Hugs, kisses, wrestling, whatever you can muster. There is a great deal of research which shows that boys who receive this from their fathers are happier, healthier, smarter, etc. Show your son that you can hug or put your arm around other men as well to demonstrate your affection. Are you squirming? You’re a good candidate for this one.

•Help him to identify and name his own emotions as well as emotions of others. You can do this by asking him questions like,” Were you feeling angry when you struck out?’ Try to judge people less and empathize more—he’ll learn these skills from you. Let’s help to create a world in which boys are able to be both sensitive and strong. Let’s teach them to be both fierce and gentle and to be aware of their own feelings as well as feelings of others.

This is only possible if we give up notion of tough and independent boy, which has done so much damage to development of strong, sensitive, and nurturing men.

We owe this one to our sons and to world.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” (http://www.markbrandenburg.com/e_book.htm#secrets. For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids, at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.

Here are three ways to help families visualize their goals: 1. Create a wishing tree. Have family members inscribe thoughts on colorful ribbons. Tie ribbons to a barren winter tree. Listen to ribbons whisper their messages as they flutter in wind.

2. Cast your wishes to wind. Using a permanent marker, write your goals on Mylar pinwheels. Place them in a bank of snow and declare your goals to world.

3. Greet New Year’s guests with good wishes for coming year. Write your resolutions or greetings on small slips of paper and package them in empty walnut shells along with small chocolates. Place a bowl of these diminutive gifts near front door or at end of a buffet line for a surprise treat.

Please feel free to publish following article. Requirements For Reprint: Complete Article with no changes and includes following byline and active link at bottom of each article: About Authors: Rondi Hillstrom Davis and Janell Sewall Oakes are co-authors of award winning book Together: Creating Family Traditions. To check out their website that's jam packed with family ideas, visit www.togetherparenting.com A courtesy copy of publication this article is included in would be appreciated.

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