My response is always this: "Oh, you poor thing! Have you tried *playing* with mindfulness? It's very effective, and much more fun!"

They tend to look at me like I'm some kind of kook, and then ask million-dollar question: "How can you play with mindfulness?" Glad you asked.... We tend to think of mindfulness as something that develops only after years of dedicated meditation. We must sit for hours, contemplate in silence for days, go on retreats for weeks, practice daily for years. Okay, that can work.

The unfortunate thing is that it IS work, and consequently, it's about as appealing to most folks as lying on a bed of nails. Sure, they want to develop a clearer perspective on life. Yes, they want to become calm and contemplative. Of course they want to live more meaningfully and with greater joy. But does it have to be so hard?

Absolutely not. You see, while most people knock politely on that front door of meditation in order to get inside House of Mindfulness, I like to sneak people in back door to steal a few cookies. Why can't we play with mindfulness, dance with it, treat it like our favorite goofy cousin who happens to be brilliant instead of our strict uncle who happens to have a Ph.D?

Thanksgiving was no exception. Vicki had to sit stoically while Mom praised Susie’s new house, her recent promotion at work and how well grandchildren were doing. Not once did their mother or Susie ask about Vicki’s life in a way that sounded sincere to Vicki.

As a result, Vicki was feeling ignored. Sensing this, sister Susie tried to make contact with Vicki by inviting her to her daughter’s upcoming graduation at which she would be giving Valedictorian address.

This invitation put Vicki in internal turmoil. While she wanted to be part of family, there was this inner voice telling her things like: “Sure, they talk to me when they want something!” and “Why should I spend money on a gift when I’m not really part of family anyhow? Besides, Susie didn’t come to my daughter’s graduation last year.”

What We Think is What We Get

At this point, Vicki is gettng more upset and angry as she struggles with her inner conversation. “Why do they treat me this way?” she is asking herself. “They should pay more attention to me. They never give me credit for anything.”

If someone asked Vicki what was causing her anger, she – like most people – would say something like “It’s my family… they are impossible NOT to get mad at… they constantly make me angry because of way they act toward me.”

Trigger and Responses

And, like most people, she would only be partially right. While her family members may serve as a TRIGGER for her angry feelings, it is conversation she has with herself about her family that really causes distress and angst.