Mindfulness should be like a big game of mental hide-and-seek: "Where am I now? Gotcha!"

As a student of Buddhism for nearly 30 years, I have greatest respect for Buddha and philosophy that developed around his teachings. I have tremendous admiration for those who have dedicated themselves to a regular meditation practice.

But it's disturbing to me that mindfulness is seen as "belonging" to Buddhism and that meditation is seen as only vehicle that will take us there. This sounds a bit like, oh, attachment? Clinging, perhaps?

I just can't find it in my heart to believe that Buddha would be ticked off about idea of developing mindfulness in whatever way works best.

Not everyone likes idea of meditation, but here's cool part: those who start off with easy, enjoyable exercises often find themselves seeing value in sitting still. In fact, many clients say they'd never have started with meditation, but they so enjoyed "playing" with mindfulness that they have begun a regular sitting practice!

Sneaky? Sure, but that's part of playing. Fun--in whatever form that takes--is what keeps us going back for more. If you're not grinning, you're not winning in this big ol' game of life.

If "working" on mindfulness isn't working for you, try playing instead.

Throw open doors. Let your inner monk go out and play. It's recess!

Monitoring and changing internal conversations is an important tool for anger management any time of year, but is critical around holidays. Holidays encourage family members to interact with each other, sometimes re-igniting lifetime dynamics and painful issues.

Holiday Self-Help Messages

Break bad habits by choosing one, or more, tactics from following list. But remember, it takes repetition to develop these new “thought” skills:

1.Control: I don’t NEED to get defensive. I can stay calm and deal with it. 2.Keep Cool: As long as I keep cool, I’m in control of myself. 3.My Anger is a Signal: Take time to talk to myself and relax. 4.Limits: I can’t control my relatives and in-laws. They will think and do what they want. But I CAN CONTROL how I express my feelings. 5.Surviving Criticism: If my family criticizes me, I can survive that. Nothing says I have to be perfect. 6.Reality: The way my family sees me isn’t necessarily way I am. Their perceptions may be totally wrong. 7.Toleration: This visit will soon be over. I can hold on for a bit more. 8.Acceptance: I have to accept that my family may not treat me way I would like – but I can live with that. 9.Independence: Nothing says I have to live up to expectations of my parents or relatives. 10.Reality Check: Maybe I am over-reacting to what they are saying. I understand my anger or insecurity may come from outdated feelings. 11.Inner Strength: I don’t need to doubt myself; what they say doesn’t HAVE to upset me. I’m only person who can make me upset or calm. 12.Time Out: Before my angry outburst, I will take a “time-out” to cool off, think about these things and calm myself.