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Title: The Importance of Laughter and Tears Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 760 Category: Self Improvement, Personal Growth
The Importance of Laughter and Tears By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Ron grew up in a household where laughter and tears were never expressed. Anger was main feeling expressed by his mother, while his father was mostly withdrawn. By time Ron was eight years old, he had managed to shut off both his laughter and his tears to avoid feeling rejected by his parents and controlled by his mother. Shutting down was his way of protecting against being invaded by his very controlling mother. He became a serious child - a controlled and controlling child.
Ron grew up, went to college, became a successful lawyer, married and had three children. Yet nothing, not even his deep love for his children, managed to break through his rigid, controlling way of being.
Ron reached out for my help because he was not only very unhappy, but was often in physical pain. All he could say about physical pain was that he hurt. “My body hurts. My chest hurt, my stomach hurts, and my back hurts.” He had been thoroughly checked out by a physician and learned that nothing was physically wrong. The doctor told him it was stress.
Ron told me that he spent much of his non-working time daydreaming because when he was present with himself in moment, all he felt was pain. He had learned to daydream to avoid pain.
However, Ron was now 48 years old, and daydreaming was no longer working well. The pain was breaking through, especially in form of debilitating back pain, so Ron decided he needed some help.
The issue behind Ron’s pain was that his primary intention in his life was to control. He wanted to control how others felt about him. He wanted to control how well his employees worked. He wanted to control how his wife treated him, as well as how well his children did in school. He particularly wanted to have control over not feeling pain of rejection and fear of engulfnment that he had felt so much in his family.
