Home is where
heart is, so they say. But for 20,000 Americans each year, home is where heart stops beating. According to a 2002 study, that's how many Americans fall victim to fatal injuries in their own homes.At this rate, it will take just 14,750 years for clumsiness and carelessness to wipe out entire population. Fortunately, al-Qaeda is not aware of this statistic and remains fixated on ka-booming things instead of creating mass clumsiness and carelessness.
But is it true that home is no longer a safe haven? Is home really a foreboding lair of unpredictable dangers? Has home become very place where we are most likely to look evil square in eyes and say, in all sincerity, "AAAAARRRRGGHHH!"
My home is.
We have a smoke alarm in our home. Smoke alarms are supposed to be good guys, right? They warn us about impending suffocation by smoke-breathing fire.
Not ours. Our smoke alarm warns us of slightly warm soon-to-be-toast. It lets out an ear-splitting screech. Yes, split-ear injuries are becoming commonplace in our home.
And toaster is an obvious accomplice. How else would smoke alarm know to attack just as soon-to-be-toast warms up?
Diapers are becoming dangerous, too. Aside from obvious hazards of unsanitary suffocation when a toddler in a dirty diaper won't stop squirming and wriggling, and makes her way across your face toward couch, there is parent factor to consider.
Not long ago, I had been looking after kids all morning. Having just waged diaper-change on Little Sister for third time that morning, and believing I had won, I was ready for some fresh challenges. When my wife chose that moment to walk into room, I thought her timing was particularly fortuitous.
