Maybe you cry, maybe you lash out, maybe you stammer, maybe you pout or roll your eyes in disgust, maybe you sit, moony-eyed and tongue-tied or say exactly what you meant not to say, and through it all you realize nothing you’re doing is helping anything. Where is your brain when you need it most?

When we’re under strong emotions, our brains turn to mush. What is going on?

Why This Happens

What happens is we’re under threat. That’s how our primitive brain is taking it anyway, one that’s there to preserve us in short-term, and is not thinking about things in long-term. Our thinking brain (neocortex) has been disabled.

When emotions surge, out reptilian, or primitive brain, has taken over. This brings with it physiological responses that affect us – your head is pounding, your pulse is raising, your blood pressure goes up, you have trouble breathing and your stomach is in knots. Your body is on full alert to protect you from a threat. It doesn’t want you to think, it wants you to act – fight or flight. And reason you’re feeling this way is you fear same things are going to happen to you – you’ll either be abandoned or attacked.

What You Can Do

What can you do when you’re in this state? Well, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. These emotional states are part of life. We welcome positive states, and dislike negatives states, and both are going to happen. Polishing up on your emotional intelligence competencies can help you understand these states better and deal with them more constructively.

Your thinking brain is still around, if you can learn how to access it. You’re probably familiar with such recommended techniques as taking a deep breath and counting to 10, or taking a time-out, or self-soothing techniques. And if you’re like me, at time these pressured-events occur, being told to take a deep breath is like being told to take a warm bath when you’ve just lost your job. It doesn’t work for you unless groundwork has been laid.

What Else Can You Do?

Work on this proactively. When you understand better your own feelings and how they work, and how to express them appropriately (because not all of them need be expressed), you’re prepared.

Emotional Intelligence starts with self-awareness. Start by getting in touch with your own feelings. Check in with yourself several times a day. This is not “How are you?” “Fine,” sort of interchange. Ask yourself how you are feeling emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Then answer yourself!

You’re Angry … and What Else?

When people talk about a crisis they’ve weathered here are some of things they say have resulted.

1.Change in priorities.

It’s common after you go through a crisis to look at things differently. One thing it often does is show us how fragile life is. If we have lost someone, or nearly lost our own life, or something important, we take a look at our lives and figure out what really matters. You also have a different relationship with time.

2.Dealing with emotions differently.

You tend to come out of a crisis being more willing to express your motions, and to understand those of others, and relate with more compassion. Crises often extend our awareness of our emotions because we’re flooded with so many, and trying to sort through them all teaches us new levels. It raises our tolerance threshold.

At same time, we understand importance of listening to others. To know pain and suffering means you can understand these in others better. Many counselors, coaches and therapists have gone through some sort of trauma. This is one way in which they become such a good listeners.

3.Resilience.

Weathering a storm teaches you a lot about weathering storms. The next time something comes along, you can look back on skills you used to get you through last one. You can also learn from your mistakes. Just as a sailor’s skills aren’t really tested in harbor, we learn new things when we’re tested. You find out you are stronger than you ever thought possible.

4.Draw closer to people and understand community.

You find in a crisis how wonderful people can be. Some people may let you down, but others will come forward.

5.New interests.