Make Your Life EasierWritten by David Wood
Have you read Art of War?' someone asked me once. Fighting someone to get your way is definitely a valid strategy. But you don't need me to tell you about that one - we've all been arguing and manipulating to get our own way since we were born! And you may have noticed - often when you push, other person pushes back! Wars have been fought, relationships lost, and many ulcers create with this kind of energy. This article is about opposite approach - art of fun surrender! Now many people who know me know I'm not usually first person to use this approach! In fact I can often be a real control-freak. However, I've been noticing quite often lately how much fun it can be to surrender - and often you don't lose a thing!!! So, call this 'observations from a novice'... Surrender 1 I was getting very frustrated with pedestrians in Byron Bay. They cross street anywhere they like, often without warning - it's like they think whole of Byron is a mall! So there's been a power play evolving: they walk across street in face of my oncoming car, and sometimes I swear they even ~slow down~ to show me they have right! So I drive right up to them - to make point that I've got right of way, and they should at least ~look~ if they are going to stroll across road. This week I decided to try something new: I decided that pedestrians have right of way in Byron. That these are their roads, and they get to do what they want with them. In fact, I decided I'm lucky to be able to drive around Byron at all! So how different do you think my experience was yesterday in car? I drove much slower, I watched for people everywhere. I even slowed down and waved people across when I could see they were thinking of darting across road. Much more fun! Surrender 2 My partner Bronwyn cleans kitty litter. I was ~stunned~ when she looked like she was about to throw cat poo over balcony onto our lawn! When I said 'What are you doing!!??', she replied that it smelled, she wanted to get rid of it in a hurry, and since it was raining we'd never notice it there and it would eventually disappear into soil. Well - I gotta tell you - part of me that tries to keep everything together - to keep things ordered and tidy - went nuts! I was furious at idea of cat poo littered all over our beautiful lawn. Having spent years practicing boundaries in my own life and helping my clients do same, I started with what I knew - albeit with a little charge attached: 'NO! That doesn't work for me. You can't throw cat poo over balcony' Fortunately, within seconds I realised how dominating and controlling this was. I was scared and reacting. And in that moment it came to me: 'You know what? It's perfectly OK if you throw it over side. But, I want you to know that I would really dislike it, and every morning I would go down and clean it off lawn - which would make unpleasant work for me. But if you still want to do it, I'm OK with it'. And believe it or not - I meant it! Of course I couldn't imagine why anyone would continue to do it knowing it would create work like that for their partner - but point was I was willing to handle it if that's what she decided. I ~surrendered~ instead of controlling situation. And you know what? She hasn't done it since.
| | The Power - How To Make This Your Best Week EverWritten by Clyde Dennis
I had a friend ask me a question not to long ago that really led me to do some thinking. "How do you manage to stay so positive all time?" You never seem to have "bad" days she said.Truthfully thing is physically I have plenty bad days. I’m convinced more than my fair share of them. To a certain extent this is something over which I have no control. However, on other hand her assumption was right in one respect. Mentally I never have "bad" days and I believe it’s for one simple reason – I never forget that thoughts that I allow to remain in my mind are completely within my control. I can think whatever I want at anytime. I can change my thoughts from something that I don’t want to think about to something that I do want to think about in an instant. At any give moment I can go from powerless to fully empowered. This of course is no big secret. So can you. A lot of you don’t want to hear this but you have more control of your life’s experiences than you’re exercising. Taking charge of YOU requires discipline. It requires going through life at a pace that you’re able to remain aware of what you’re thinking. Thoughts lead actions. It’s not, or shouldn’t be, other way around. I hear your wheels turning, "Clyde, it’s not that simple". It is that simple. Is it easy? Maybe not, but it is in fact that simple. The controls to your life’s experiences are right there. Whether or not you use them is on you. You have absolute control over whether or not you allow an intended insult to be an insult. You have absolute control over whether or not you’re going to allow yourself to be upset by an event or circumstance or if you’re going to smile right through it accepting it as just another classroom experiment.
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