Letting GoWritten by Stephania Munson-Bishop
In August, here in mountains of southwest Virginia, trees acquire a dull sheen that signals end of summer. Heralded by Dog Days of summer, it's a melancholy, bittersweet season. Daytime temperatures may soar, humidity is sweltering, but nights are cool. In morning, a fog rises from mountains, reminiscent of a Japanese painting. And each day is shorter.Stars on a late summer night are like diamonds in a velvet sky. Slice open a bell pepper from garden, and you're likely to find tiny pale-green peppers growing within. It's as if Nature hurries to replicate herself while there's still time. Like squirrels that store up their winter food supply, we may busy ourselves cleaning up, clearing out, readying our homes for colder weather. Or we may spend long moments weeding a flower bed, allowing our thoughts to drift to unknown places. We wonder where summer went -- how could it pass by so quickly? It's almost as if we didn't notice. Nature gives us little choice but to let go of one season and get on with another. As I soak up last rays of summer sun, I recognize all over again that seasons are a metaphor for Life. We, too, must "let go" before we can move ahead. Letting go is an interesting concept. It's a technique used not only in skillful fly-fishing, but in life. We let go of fear, of past, of possessions, of a lost love. We let go of anger or a problem relationship. We let go of our children as they mature into their own lives, and when someone we love dies, eventually we let go of grief. In Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon, there's an expression: "Let go, and let God." And in end, we must let go of life itself. More people in their 50's, 60's, and older are on meds known as anti-depressants than you might imagine. I attribute a lot of middle-age depression to feeling that so many seem to have,and have expressed to me, that they look back on their lives and ask, "Is that all there is?" This seems to ride in tandem with, "But there was so much more I wanted to do!" Begin today. Rekindle a few old, perhaps ancient dreams. You always wanted to play piano? Sign up for lessons. If you lost ten pounds, you think you'd feel more in shape? Buy a brightly colored sweat suit and take low-impact aerobics. Attend a Weight Watchers group and count your food "points." Enroll in a tole painting class. Find a continuing education class at local high school or community college about Using Internet, or making pottery, or learning to quilt. Check with your public library and learn how to join a group of local writers who meet regularly to discuss creative writing. It doesn't matter what you do -- just that you Do Something! Not doing anything at all is also a choice. There's an old saying: "Do what you've always done, and you'll get what you've always gotten." The important thing is, you're never too old to learn new things, or to do something interesting just for you.
| | Living with A Loved One's Mental IllnessWritten by Stephania Munson-Bishop
There are those among us who seem to be natural-born caretakers. Often it's due to way we grew up in our nuclear families -- Mom was ill for years or Dad was an alcoholic, and list goes on. Doesn't it seem that, as adults, caretakers would run toward Normalcy? Unfortunately, it doesn't usually play out that way. For caretakers, what they knew as children was norm.In fact, we may pair up with someone who needs to be taken care of, so we can continue devoting better part of our energies to a partner's problems. The years go by, with crisis after crisis, until caretaker feels drained, frightened, and filled with despair. The caretaker may no longer feel healthy. He/she wonders if loving ill partner even figures into equation any longer. Meanwhile, partner may turn on caring spouse, seeming resentful and filled with hate and even rage toward very person who has tried to make life bearable. But The Illness itself is another entity in house, a strange, alien presence that exacts its toll. The ill partner may refuse to attend Alcoholics Anonymous groups, relapse, and start drinking more than ever. The depressed or bipolar partner stops taking medications and cancels appointments with therapist. When spouse had hoped fervently that they were finally on road to a healthy relationship, bottom falls out. Friends and family may have turned away, weary of ill partner's abuse, insults, or weird behaviors, and couple becomes isolated.
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