Only when a client feels safe to make changes that they want will those changes actually occur. The problem they want to change served some purpose in past. By time they come to consult me, it's become a problem. The subconscious will many times resist change because it's still trying to protect them. Overeating, smoking, excess drinking are some of ways subconscious uses to safeguard an individual. These habits serve purpose of stuffing, holding in or numbing emotions because those emotions were unacceptable to their family. It may also help them by keeping other people away so that person avoids further hurt.

Self-judgement and self-condemnation might have become coping mechanisms to avoid excessive criticism from family. Not being successful as an adult may be a way to avoid breaking a family rule about "Not getting too big for your britches." Health issues could be an attempt to get positive attention or even avoid negative attention as a child. Seeing a parent who was ill could create an unconscious model to follow to be like that parent. If you're like parent, there's a better chance of being accepted by him/her.

All of these are ways subconscious has found to help you in past. That help is probably outdated, but your inner mind doesn't realize it. The subconscious doesn't feel safe enough to change pattern. Your first step is to find a way to allow subconscious to feel safe enough to change to a better experience.

Here's an example:

A person is leaving. You are about ready to say your good-byes. What you *see* in leaving determines your *tomorrows.* If you can't see good, what are you seeing? The bad? Right. And what are you showing person leaving? Certainly not good, if you're thinking bad. Now . . . both of you are upset. Do yourself, and those around you, a favor. Learn to take charge of your thoughts.

Here's one way to do that:

A son or daughter is leaving for college. Look at this scenario: The family is solemn, helping their son/brother pack car for college. Now, car is packed, they've said their good-byes, and are watching as his tail lights disappear down street. A sad look is on their faces, because, for a few minutes, they are sad. Suddenly, they realize he is actually gone. They all rush into house, each with a different purpose in mind! They had told themselves that they wouldn't begrudge him going to college. He's gone, now they would look toward future. You can see their thoughts. *The mom gets a new sewing room!* *The dad gets to use computer more!* *The teenage daughter gets to have upstairs bathroom all to herself!*

Now, that is progressive -- and healing -- thinking.

What is NOT progressive and healing thinking is continually thinking about how much they will miss him. They will, of course, but they will have compensation. Their son is going on to a better life. His future is great. It's not like he's gone forever, and there is nothing they can do, or would want to do, to stop his progress. They will be helping him by helping themselves.