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Title: Relationships: Taking Care of Yourself in Moment Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 673 Category: Relationships
Relationships: Taking Care of Yourself in Moment By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Maria consulted with me because she was frustrated about distance she felt in her relationship with her husband, Carl. He wanted to be close to her, but she didn’t feel close to him.
“I think problem is that he often talks to me in a judgmental or condescending way. He sounds like a parent rather than a partner. I just hate being spoken to like that.”
“How do you respond when he speaks to you like that?” I asked.
“I withdraw and feel badly. Then later I sometimes try to talk with him about it, but he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. He thinks I’m too sensitive and that I just want to blame him.”
How often have you had experience of not knowing what to say in conflict? Later, after thinking about it, you think of all things you wish you would have said. Then you go back to your partner to try to deal with issue, only to discover that it’s too late - your partner doesn’t understand what you are talking about.
“Maria, imagine that part of you that hates being spoken to like Carl speaks to you is a small child. Would you let him speak to a child like that?”
“No. Actually, I don’t let him speak to our children like that. He speaks to them with kindness and caring because he knows that I will say something if he is mean to them.”
“So you stand up for your children in moment, but you don’t stand up for yourself, for child within you, in moment?”
“Yeah. I just never know what to say.”
