You do not have to be a psychologist or therapist to understand and use basic tools to address needs of a grieving child. It does require recognition that “kids are people too,” and acceptance that their process of mending is no different than adults. Whether death or divorce, stages of a child’s emotional recuperating are very similar to adults, and must be fully addressed by parents in order to reap positive results.

Never assume you know what your child may be thinking or feeling. Even in closest relationships, he or she will keep their most intimate feelings as they assess, for themselves, impact of emotional trauma and related environment issues that have been forced upon them.

There are general stages of grief manifested in behaviors, attitudes and changes similar to following: Initial Shock which can be manifested in periods of withdrawal and silence or through wild behavior and disobedience;

Emotional Release which is a stage of becoming more aware of their loss and reacting with dramatic release of various emotions including crying without cause, striking siblings or becoming easily provoked. Some youth may exhibit a variety of disruptive behaviors in school in addition to anti-social responses at home;

Physical Symptoms include sleepless nights, nightmares, abnormal eating habits and digestive problems; and finally Guilt Feelings exhibited by blaming others for what they feel they have done to create situation.

The road to recovery for youth may require that adults take a proactive role. There are several activities parents can use to create an atmosphere of comfort and support. These activities also encourage a closer communication between parent and child that moves far beyond immediate crisis.

 Encourage your child to prepare a picture album of favorite activities thy experienced with loved one. This may include family outings, birthday celebrations, or special events and holidays.

 Encourage child to write a story or “diary of events” about positive experiences they remember when loved one was with them (purchase a colorful diary or notebook and include a “special pen” child can use for this activity. Make this a personal experience for them that no one else can share.

Do ask to read their diary entries or short stories. Let them offer to share when they are ready. If child is unsure how to begin, suggest they develop a summary around picture album.

When I was fifteen, I was sole survivor in one of those horrific car accidents involving a bunch of teens, lots of alcohol, and late-night fast driving. While driver and other passengers were killed instantly when our car hit a tree on a drizzly summer night, I had most powerful experience of my life.

I felt myself being lifted lightly, and it seemed as though I was actually caressed by a loving presence. I remember feeling soothed, comforted, and cherished. I didn't want it to end.

The next thing I remember is lying in a pile of wet leaves with a bunch of flashlights in my face. I walked away without a scratch.

The others were from a different town, and their families, high school friends and teachers mourned their loss bitterly. When they heard that there was a survivor, someone from out of town, many of them felt angry that one of their friends couldn't have been survivor instead of me. In their anguish, they called to inform me of this sentiment. It was a lot for a 15-year-old to handle.

Nobody knew about accident at my high school. This was before crisis teams were in place to deal with tragedies. There were no counselors standing by in my case. I was filled with a tremendous sense of guilt, and my beautiful experience was one I never discussed. I couldn't talk about feeling cherished when others had died. It seemed disrespectful and arrogant.

Months later, one of mothers of victims called me. I hadn't had any contact with any of families or friends, and was mourning alone in silence, in exile, really, pretending that everything was just fine. She wanted to invite me over for tea. I declined. I was afraid of hurting her, overwhelmed by my guilt, and petrified that she would lash out at me.

She persisted. I must have declined her invitations half a dozen times in next three months, making lame excuses and once even pretending to be my sister, telling her I wasn't home.

Fortunately, she kept at it, and when I finally did come over to her house for tea, she wrapped me in a completely reassuring hug.

She was my first meditation teacher. She recognized my pain, and I am eternally grateful that she taught me skills to cope with it. I truly believe she saved my life for second time.