The key ingredient is your openness to explore whatever creative ideas are necessary to help your child move through grief process and not become stagnate in any one phase. In helping children cope with loss of someone they love keep following in mind:

 Be honest and direct and truthful in explaining what happened. Creating stories to “protect” feelings may make grief process more difficult in long run.

 Allow and encourage children to express their feelings openly. Let them know that crying is normal, helpful and acceptable. Don’t put time limits on this process. Each child is unique and will move along at a pace most comfortable to him.

Don’t compare or contrast one child from another and categorize strength or weaknesses. Help them know you accept their feelings, support positive choices and will guide them through negative experiences along way.

 Accept individual emotions and reactions and don’t tell child what he or she should or should not feel.

 Listen to what child is saying then focus on responding to child’s needs. Avoid putting words in their mouth or thoughts in their head. Become a good listener.

 Be a strong foundation, maintaining as much stability in child’s life as you can.

 Encourage child to be part of some of decisions family will make during death planning process. Take time to explain process and procedures and always ask them how they feel. Don’t band them from discussions.

Be patient, recognizing that children may need to hear what happened again and again and will ask same questions over and over. Not unlike learning curve in school, repetition is helpful to reinforcing meaning of an end of life process.

Grieving is an individual wilderness experience that is not exclusive to adults. Shock, anger, denial, guilt and behavior changes are human responses. Children need adults to help them connect to their resources, maintain a positive attitude, and walk in faith believing that they will heal and get through it. Knowing that someone cares will help make their “wilderness” journey easier to bear. You will both be victorious if you take a step back from your own pain and remember that children grieve too.

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Years later, as a college student interested in psychology, philosophy, and science, I was studying with a university professor and meditation teacher in Sri Lanka. Ratne taught a technique for mindfulness meditation that meshed perfectly with my need for logic, order, and my view of universe as manifesting power in magnificent but unpredictable ways. He taught meditation from a thinker's perspective, validating notion that we are entrusted with responsibility to use our minds for both thinking and non-thinking.

Ratne died a few years ago, but his son, Deva, is carrying on his tradition of mindfulness training in Sri Lanka. My friend visited Deva recently and was immersed in discussions to build an environmentally-friendly meditation center on a hilltop there.

Deva's mindfulness technique is growing in popularity with good reason--it's simple, and it is completely detached from any specific religion.

This is not your father's meditation. It's Deva's insightful take on his dad's approach. It's thoroughly modern and inclusive, based as much on our understanding of brain as it is on our professed need to find bliss.

I've been lucky to be exposed to this unique method. Through good times and bad, meditation has given me perspective and a sense of ease when I needed it most. I've lost two brothers to suicide, one to AIDS, a stepfather and father-in-law to cancer in last few years. Meditation has been a life raft as well as a surprising source of direction and joy.

Although I am quick to identify myself as a thinker, in same breath I'll tell you I'm a meditator. They go hand in hand for me. I consider it my favorite ego-attachment.

Regardless of your religious beliefs, you can use meditation to strengthen yourself and your understanding of universe. If age-old methods aren't working for you, perhaps all you need is an updated version, an upgrade to Meditation 2.0, if you will.

You can skip pricey bench or embroidered cushion. Don't bother with candle. Keep incense in drawer. Contrary to popular belief, no equipment is required.

All you need is your mind--and a supportive teacher. I hope you are lucky enough to find yours.