Title: Getting Unstuck from Procrastination Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2003 by Margaret Paul Web Address: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 774 Category: Personal Growth

GETTING UNSTUCK FROM PROCRASTINATION Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Sherry was behind on many important things in her life. She had unpaid traffic tickets, insurance on her car had lapsed, she had a stack of unpaid bills, and her apartment was a mess. Sherry was not happy with this situation, yet seemed unable to do anything about it. Even when she set aside time to get these things done, something always got in way.

Sherry consulted with me because things had finally reached a point where her life was actually breaking down from her procrastination. She had had a minor car accident that she had to pay for due to her unpaid insurance, and her phone had recently been shut off due to her unpaid bills. She was angry and frustrated with herself yet found herself doing bare minimum - just enough to get by. What was keeping her so stuck?

As we explored Sherry’s deeper intention, she discovered that, as much as she wanted to get things done, there was something she wanted even more: to not be controlled. Not being controlled had become Sherry’s focus early in her life as a way to protect against being consumed by her very controlling father. She would do anything to not be controlled by him, even to her own detriment.

The problem was that it was no longer her father whom she was resisting. She was now in resistance to her own inner controlling parent, part of her that was just like her father. As soon as this authoritarian part of her tried to get stuff done by saying things like, "Okay, it’s time to get this apartment cleaned up. I can’t live in a dump like this any longer", an unconscious, and very resistant part of her would take over with behavior that clearly said, "You can’t make me. I can do whatever I want. You’re not boss of me." This resistant child in her had learned to respond in this way when she was very small, so now this behavior was unconscious and automatic.

My husband has an uncle who is clearly an introvert. I’ve heard him called “quirky”, “cold and humorless”, “reclusive” and “a strange bird”. He married into our very large family and has been dragged to every family gathering for nearly 50 years – always sitting off by himself reading a book or watching TV – never talking to anyone while everybody else socializes, eats and plays games.

Last year, I drew his name for Christmas gift exchange and was stymied about what he’d like. The family members who had all drawn his name in previous years laughed pityingly. They informed me that he wants same thing every year, white undershirts and gray dress-shirts. I got him nicest ones I could find, writing something goofy on card like “try not to think of me when you wear these.”