Does It Matter What You Wear?Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Personal and Professional Development Coach
Of course it does! We want to be appropriately and comfortably dressed so it isn’t distracting. How can you court your honey when your shirt collar is choking you? your waistband is too tight? How can you represent your client if judge doesn’t allow women lawyers to appear in court in pants? How can you enjoy touring Turtle Farm on Barbados when it’s 95 degrees and you’ve got on polyester slacks? How can you work Trade Show when your feet are killing you?CLOTHING AS NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION Clothing can show: · How much money you have · How you spend your money · Your values · How you take care of things · How organized you are · How creative you are · What profession or industry you're in · Whether you're a copy-cat or an original ANALYZE THIS It's easy to do -- clothing is all around us -- so spend some time analyzing. This is something you need to master. It's been said "dress for position you next want," so take a look around your office. Where are lines drawn. How do you fit in? Be mindful. Are you representing what you want to, and what you intend to? I’m thinking of mother at our children’s 8th grade outdoor morning graduation ceremony in spangles, cleavage, boa and dangly earrings. What look was she after, I wondered. She had achieved “appearing nightly” look. FIND OUT WHAT’S APPROPRIATE The emotionally intelligent person plans ahead. When planning to travel on business, call a coach in area you're going to. Male lawyers in San Antonio, TX USA wear suspenders, while when my sister first started practicing law in D. C., judges did not permit women lawyers to wear pantsuits in court. In San Antonio, TX there isn't much use for a coat rack. I had no idea when I got to Chicago Art Museum that I could check my coat and boots. There were lockers. How nice! But neither was I prepared for how hot they keep their buildings. People who come to San Antonio are never prepared for how icy we keep our buildings in summer. DOES IT REALLY MATTER? Of course it does, because you want to be able to concentrate on what's really important. You'll probably have a sense of what areas of country are different, and in which areas dress matters more than in others. I had no idea for instance what to wear for a professional trip to Seattle, Washington (USA). Don't laugh, but all I'd seen in photos was lumber jackets and jeans. Of course YOU are not your CLOTHES, but more comfortable I am, better I can do my job, and more I'll enjoy myself. As my friend who didn't listen to me and took her bright floral patterned dresses to D. C. found out, there are good ways to stand out, and there are bad ways to stand out. In room of 300 people all wearing solid colors, she might as well have had a bone in her nose. She found it hard to get it out of her mind. That can take edge off what you're about! FORGETTING Where I live it is 98 for a good part of year, and then plummets all way to, oh maybe freezing once in a while. It is said to snow once every ten years, but it’s been longer than that since last it did. Therefore, I forget what “cold” means. I know cold, I went to college in Minnesota but I forget feel of it. When I arrived in Duluth, MN in February and it was 40 below – honest degrees, not windchill – I was appalled. When you check with that coach, don't settle for "it's cold up here" or "it could be 40 below," ask them "what's should I bring?" and, as I did before going to Russia, "please tell me what it feesl like when it's 70 degrees with 100 percent humidity and wind blowing at X mph."
| | Key to Excellent Communication: AnticipationWritten by Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology
Excellent communication. It’s what we’re all after, when first rule of communication is to assume you’ve been misunderstood.We generally work very hard to express what we have in mind, and in giving instructions to go over each one step-by-step. We also try and listen carefully, and to repeat back what we think we’ve heard to be sure. And if we’re selling, we try an anticipate objections. But there’s one part that’s very helpful we often leave out. I learned it from my Dad, a great communicator, when I was a teenager. I didn’t like to listen too closely, and often knew less than I thought I did. Like most teenagers. He was a gifted teacher, a patient and careful communicator, and convincing judges no doubt prepared him to convince teenage girls. Now this will mean nothing to you if you haven’t driven from a northern suburb into Chicago on Lake Shore Drive, but I hope you can think of something similar in your own experience. As you make drive, there are several turns and then one big swing toward Lake. If you live there and are at all ‘directional’, you always know Lake is on your left when you’re going south and going into Chicago is south. Coming home, you keep Lake on your right. The suburbs were laid out on a grid, long before planned communities, and it’s one area where you can turn right, right, and right again and get back to where you started from. (When I moved to rural North Carolina and tried this, I ended up in another county!) Now, on this particular occasion I was going to ballpark for first time, and my Dad was telling me how to get there. He carefully gave my instructions, drawing me a map on a piece of paper, and said, “Now when you get to XXX, instead of turning left as you always do, you’re going to go straight ahead.” I said I got it and was ready to head out door. Just before I did, he said, “Just remember: Resist all urges to turn left.” I said “okay” and headed out. When I got to turn, I saw what he meant. Straight ahead looked like a dead end. If I was sure of anything, it was that I should go ahead and follow hundreds of cars swinging left. Only my father’s “resist all urges” kept me going straight ahead, and on to ballpark. And fact he phrased it that way piqued my curiosity. “What’s that?” I thought. So I remembered. I also felt very close to him as turn appeared. This is sort of engagement you like to have with someone you’re learning from or working with. I thought he was really something to have anticipated how I would be feeling. TAKE HOME POINT: We are more likely to get someone’s attention, to convince them, and to motivate them by engaging their emotions. Saying “Do not turn left” puts negative in your mind, raises resistance, and may be forgotten. Saying “turn right” may also be forgotten when needed, especially since he’d grown up there, driving that drive a thousand times, and obviously had done it himself. He had NOT resisted urge to turn left, and knew all about it. This is a small example with small consequences.
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