Do You Really Want a Relationship?Written by Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC
With a divorce rate in this country that approaches 50%, and a fairly sizable percentage of marriages that aren’t particularly blissful, it’s difficult to avoid searching for answer to battle of sexes. Would you like to stop searching? We’ve moved through old paradigm of getting your needs met in relationships and it has proven itself to be a miserable failure. Why? Attempting to get your needs met in your relationship causes some troublesome things to happen. First, it causes you to focus mainly on your needs and not on desires of your partner. Secondly, it sets you up for disaster because it has you believing that you deserve something that may well not be delivered. All across this great country of ours, battles are raging between men and women: she needs to talk and connect, and he needs his space and independence. Who wins here? The answer, of course, is that both lose because of a flawed view of what a successful relationship is all about. What also happens is that both people start to blame other for not meeting their needs. For men who are really serious about success in their relationships, it’s important to understand how blaming your partner is an enormous problem itself. It creates a bigger problem and has you convinced that you are not part of problem. Nothing could be further from truth. Blaming has never worked and never will. It may have you feeling justified in your position, but it will always hurt your relationship. It’s particularly important to develop realization that your feelings can deceive you in your relationship with your partner. This can be difficult for people raised during honor your feelings era of relationships. Your feelings tell you things like, I can’t believe she could do something like that to me, or, How could she treat me so badly? These feelings are result of your own low self-esteem and your own personal history of victimization.
| | Are you making time for your marriage?Written by Stephanie Foster
It's easy to lose track of important things when you are raising a family. It's hard enough to pay enough attention to your marriage when you have children; if you add working from home to mix, it can become nearly impossible. Yet a strong marriage is one of greatest gifts you can give your children.There are some simple ways to make sure your spouse knows how much he or she means to you, however. These tips won't solve all your problems, but they will help you to remember how much your spouse means to you. 1. Say "I love you" often. My husband and I say these three little words every day. We start day with them, and day ends with them. It means so much to hear words, even when you know your spouse loves you. 2. Be honest with each other about your needs. If your spouse is not doing something you wish he or she would do, say so, whether it's helping with housework or cuddling. Don't be confrontational, of course. 3. Show appreciation for things your spouse does. Not only is saying "thank you" a good example to set for your kids, it's one of those small things that makes a huge difference in how people feel about what they've done.
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