"I spent my life searching for perfect woman. I finally found her but alas, she was searching for perfect man." Anonymous.

I was a professional matchmaker for several years - trying to help singles meet others with whom they shared common interests and complementary personality traits. I met with my clients in person and they were screened to ascertain their real names, addresses, education, marital status. Most importantly, I tried to help them determine type of person they were really seeking and that's where most of problems arose.

Even though my clients verbalized that they were happy to be matched based upon compatibility, this was not true! The major problems I encountered were:

1) A number of clients were seeking others mainly based on appearance. I would show each new client photos of existing clients based on their characteristics as well as their appearance. Unattractive people sometimes became offended when I matched them with their physical counterparts. A dowdy sixtyish woman asked me, "Is that what you think of me?" when I attempted to match her with men in her age and looks category. Many clients seemed to be totally unaware of how they looked to others and wanted matches that were highly inappropriate. With these people, compatibility had no bearing on their matches. They wanted best looking people in my book!

2) Some clients refused to compromise - even when matched with someone they liked!

Then work on your self-talk. How we talk to ourselves generates over a lifetime. First become aware of what you say to yourself all day long. 80% of our “conversation” is with ourselves. If you’re saying, “I’m a failure,” this is what your brain is hearing, and it will work to make this come true. Cancel this thought (say “cancel, cancel”) and put something else in there, “I, Marianne Delmer, am on my way to success,” or something like that.

Be careful how you word things like this, because your subconscious will hear it without negative, i.e., you don’t want to be saying, “I, Peter Aylward, am not a failure,” because your subconscious hears “failure.” See difference? You can also try an affirmation such as “Every day I’m getting better and better.” Envision end goal. Don’t limit things by being too specific. If you want to feel better about yourself, that’s place to start.

The 12-Step Programs suggest if you don’t want to quit, first pray to want to quit. If you want to succeed, first pray to want to succeed. Wanting something gives us motivation!