Codependent Relationships: Takers and Caretakers

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.


The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long asrepparttar author resource box atrepparttar 110254 end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.

Title: Codependent Relationships: Takers and Caretakers Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 704 Category: Relationships

Codependent Relationships: Takers and Caretakers By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Takers and caretakers – they often seem to find each other! As a counselor who has worked with relationships for 37 years, I can tell you that this isrepparttar 110255 most frequent relationship dynamic that I encounter.

Takers are people who tend to be narcissistic – that is, they are self-centered with an excessive need for attention and admiration. The taker attempts to control getting love, attention, approval or sex from others with anger, blame, violence, criticism, irritation, righteousness, neediness, invasive touch, invasive energy, incessant talking and/or emotional drama. The taker uses many forms of both overt and covert control to getrepparttar 110256 attention he or she wants.

Takers not only want a lot of control, but are often afraid of being controlled and become overtly or covertly resistant to doing what someone else wants them to do. The taker might resist with denial, defending, procrastination, rebellion, irresponsibility, indifference, withdrawal, deadness, numbness, rigidity, and/or incompetence.

In a relationship, takers operate fromrepparttar 110257 belief that “You are responsible for my feelings of pain and joy. It is your job to make sure that I am okay.”

Caretakers, onrepparttar 110258 other hand, operate fromrepparttar 110259 belief that “I am responsible for your feelings. When I do it right, you will be happy and then I will receiverepparttar 110260 approval I need.” Caretakers sacrifice their own needs and wants to take care ofrepparttar 110261 needs and wants of others, even when others are capable of doing it themselves. Caretakers give to others from fear rather than love - they give to get.

Neither takers nor caretakers take responsibility for their own feelings and wellbeing. Takers generally attempt to have control over others’ giving themrepparttar 110262 attention and admiration they want in overt ways, while caretakers attempt to have control over getting approval in more covert ways, such as compliance, doing to much for others, and/or withholding their wants and opinions.

What to Do When Your Spouse or Your Friends are Negative?

Written by Michael Losier


© Michael Losier 2004. You may include this article in your ezine or on your website or distribute it to others, provided you includerepparttar copyright statement andrepparttar 110253 bio information tag line found atrepparttar 110254 end of this article. This year (2004), I've completed over 64 seminars. And one ofrepparttar 110255 most common questions asked is, "What do I do when my spouse, partner or friend is being negative?"

As you practice Law of Attraction in your life, you become more aware of what you are attracting and start to understand that you can control what you attract with deliberate use of Law of Attraction. The more deliberate you become in controlling what you want to attract,repparttar 110256 less and less tolerant you become of any situation that doesn't feel good---in particular, negative relationships in your life. But what do you do whenrepparttar 110257 person who is being negative is your partner, spouse or child? It's not likely you will just eliminate them from your life altogether. How can you deal with a situation that is contaminating your positive energy with negative energy?

First of all, I'd like you to remember that it takes two people to argue or fight and you always have a choice about what you choose to talk about. When you are with your mate, or friend or child and they are complaining about something they don't like or telling you how much their life isn't working in some respect, you always have two choices:

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