Because neither takers nor caretakers are taking care of themselves, they will each end up feeling angry, resentful, trapped, unappreciated, unseen, unloved, misunderstood, and/or unacknowledged.

I tell my clients that whenever they feel this way in a relationship, it is because they are expecting other person to give them what they are not giving to themselves. When we are not seeing, valuing, acknowledging, or understanding ourselves, and when we are not attending to our own wants and needs, we will always feel upset when others treat us just like we are treating ourselves.

Codependent relationships – relationships of two takers, two caretakers, or a taker and a caretaker – will always run into problems. Many people leave these relationships, only to discover same problems in their next relationships. Takers and caretakers can switch places in different relationships and over different issues, but problems remain same – anger, resentment, distance, lack of sexuality, boredom, feeling unloved and unloving.

There really is a way to heal this.

Relationships heal when individuals heal. When each partner does their inner work – for example practicing Inner Bonding process that we teach (see www.innerbonding.com for a free course) – their relationship system heals. When each person learns to take full personal responsibility for his or her own feelings of pain and joy, they stop pulling on each other and blaming each other. When each person learns to fill themselves with love and share that love with each other, instead of always trying to get love, relationship heals.

Learning how to take100% responsibility for your own feelings is one of essential ingredients in creating a healthy relationship. This means learning to be conscious of what you are feeling and being open to learning about what you are doing to create your own feelings, instead of being a victim and believing that others are causing your feelings. Your feelings come from how you treat yourself and others, from what you tell yourself and what you believe about yourself and others, rather than from others behavior. Blaming others for your feelings will always lead to major relationship problems.

Why not start today by taking your eyes off your partner and putting them squarely on yourself? In reality, you are only one you actually have control over. You are only one you can change.

1) You can buy into their conversation, join it and thereby lower your vibration to match theirs; or

2) You can steer conversation in a direction that creates change in vibration

How do you steer a conversation into a more positive vibration? It's quite simple; just ask question, "So what do you want?" That question may surprise them because they are not used to answering it. They may even have some resistance. But keep asking it. When they do answer, you'll soon hear their words change and see how change of words always creates a change in their vibration. The best news of all is that a person can only hold one vibration at a time.

Yes, we all have negative people in our lives, but now you have a tool to use when you feel your positive energy becoming affected by anyone's negative energy. From now on, your experiences with negative people can be different!

Here's your assignment! Write question, "So what do you want?" on post-it notes and put them by your phone, on your fridge and on your bathroom mirror. This is a powerful tool that delivers rapid change!