That doesn’t mean you should put candles away, but start setting mood early by reveling in your relationship. Here are five ideas to get you started.

1. Explore uncharted territory Intimacy is a key ingredient for creating a romantic mood. In its most basic sense, intimacy is about revealing our interior selves to another person—the part of ourselves that we normally hide from others. When we do this, we honor other person as someone we cherish and trust. Since it’s often difficult to start sharing in this way, a game or book of questions can help. The classic game of relationship questions is Ungame, while classic questions book is (appropriately enough) The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock. Each of these products contains hundreds of questions on topics ranging from ethics (“What would you do if . . . ?”) to feelings and ideas. These are just two of many similar products that you can use in almost any setting—even in car or airplane on way to your honeymoon destination.

SCENARIO NUMBER 1

Linda was visiting friends in Seattle and they fixed her up with Robert for a date. He suggested they have lunch and then he wanted to show her tourist district. Of course it was one shop after another. Assuming that if she appeared interested in something, he would buy it for her, Linda kept it low key as they browsed through beautiful shops. Then something caught her eye and she couldn’t conceal it: a silly toy she knew her grandson would like. She picked it up, laughed, they played with it, and then she put it back. “Oh, go ahead and get it!” Robert said, and his hand reached automatically for his back pocket, but then he turned away. Linda went ahead and picked up toy and they headed for checkout counter. Suddenly Robert looked confused and fell back behind her, making sure she approached counter first and alone. In other words, he made it clear he was NOT going to buy this $6 toy for her. You could almost see him fighting with himself! SCENARIO NUMBER 2

A couple of dates into a new relationship and Ted and Shannon were discussing what they liked.

“Attention,” said Shannon.

“What kind of attention?” Ted asked, warming to occasion. “Oh, different things. Sweet looks, lilttle remembrances, time with you," Shannon said. “It varies. But I like attention from you.” (He had mentioned earlier, and she knew from friends that his former wife ignored him, worked all time, and ultimately had an affair and left him.) Shannon smiled, wanting him to know how much she liked him, and he smiled back.

Then there was a pause.

A crestfallen face (remembering) was followed by a mask (hurting) as Ted delivered this door-slammer: “Sometimes you don’t get what you like.”

What’s going on here? It happens to all of us! DON’T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU!

Men know what women like and they’re naturally inclined to do it. It’s kind of natural with guys to want to give. But what’s happened is, this guy has done all this before and it didn’t work out. Now when he has impulse to do something nice, he’s thinking, “I did that before and what I got was divorced. I’m not falling for that one again!” or “If I buy her something, she’ll walk all over me like my ex-wife did.”