3. Write a Dream Letter Write letters to each other about your dreams for your marriage. What do you hope your marriage will look like in ten, twenty, or thirty years? Exchange letters on first day of your marriage, and then save them to read on your wedding anniversary.

4. Leave Memory Notes Everywhere Nothing creates a romantic mood better than remembering your best moments together as a couple. Purchase some small notepaper or post-it notes and spend some time digging up your favorite memories of your spouse. How did you meet? How did your first kiss come about? What is goofiest thing he or she ever did? When was your spouse there for you when you needed him or her most? Then spend some time thinking of memories you’d most like to share with your spouse over course of your marriage. Write these all down on note paper, and hide them all over place at your honeymoon destination (on pillow, in luggage, in rental car, etc.). 5. Share Love The funny thing about love is you get more by giving it away. That's as true for newlyweds as for anyone else, so find ways to share your love with others. Start by committing random acts of kindness—both toward each other and complete strangers. Visit Random Acts of Kindness Foundation web page for inspiration (http://www.actsofkindness.org/). One of our favorite stories there is about a young woman who was caught in rain when a complete stranger gave her his own umbrella. When she asked how she would return it to him, he just smiled and walked away. Creating great memories like that adds a magical twist to your honeymoon.

It’s really sad to deny who you are because of your self-talk about previous relationships. You start to reach out for other person and then up pipes that voice saying you’ll get hurt, or taken advantage of, it won’t work, or it’s all in vain. You tried it before and it didn’t work.

Well this is a new person and a new beginning. This new person may respond differently. In fact I can almost guarantee you they will. What I’m talking about here is being yourself, separating out past from present, and treating each man as an individual who will not necessarily behave or respond way last one did. (Of course if you keep picking losers and think it’s a pattern, please get help.)

The Chinese say you never step twice in same river. It wasn’t giving him back rubs, or being considerate or generous to him that broke up your previous relationship. We throw out a whole set of behaviors because they’re associated with bad outcomes in past. Yes you DO know how to do things and how to make a relationship work; you just were with wrong person, or timing was wrong, or place was wrong. Did you ever consider that?

One of fun things about dating is when you find out that Modigliani print in living room your ex hated, just thrills your new guy, and this applies to qualities, traits and behaviours as well.

We have to separate out what caused what, and who is who in after-divorce scenario. As I say in my book, “Midlife Dating Manual for Women,” until you can, you aren’t ready to date. You’ll trip all over yourself wanting to do something quite natural, and then slap yourself on wrist. You aren’t emotionally available. Marriages end because people are no longer being nice to each other. But it wasn’t BEING NICE that got you there. It was other things. You were breathing, weren’t you, when you were with your ex. You still intend to keep doing that, don’t you? Don’t throw baby out with bath water!

Of COURSE find out what guy likes, and then give it with all your heart if you like him. Just because last guy didn’t like you, want your attention, appreciate you, or respond to your kindness, doesn’t mean this one won’t. It’s about BEING WHO YOU ARE not worrying about WHAT YOU’RE DOING.

It’s only fun when you can be relaxed and be yourself, including lots of nice little gestures and kindnesses to other person, and being able to enjoy giving, receiving, and sharing.