What makes difference? Why are there times when you only need to say affirmation once and your whole life changes? And yet you repeat other affirmations religiously for days, weeks, months and sometimes even years and nothing happens?

I believe that difference between positive affirmations that work and those that don't are underlying beliefs you hold regarding topic at hand. If, for example, you want to experience a loving relationship and your underlying beliefs support idea that you are lovable, then door opens to allow a relationship in. If, however, you don't really believe that you are lovable, or worthy, or good enough, that belief will negate all positive energy you expend to create a loving relationship.

It is interesting that negative beliefs don't stop us wanting or desiring something. It's also interesting that belief is stronger than desire. I think it's because our beliefs are much deeper, living as they do for most part in our unconscious. They often come from our parents and our childhood experiences, particularly from our interpretation of those messages and experiences.

The best way to figure out if this is going on in your life is to make a list of those items you have 'actively' desired and that you still have not been able to create. Then, think about beliefs you would need to have in order to support those desires. That's what I'm calling 'bolstering beliefs'.

The following exercise is a good way to get at underlying negative beliefs in order to change them.

Title: What Causes Holiday Stress? Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2003 by Margaret Paul Web Address: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 708 Category: Family Relationships, Emotional Healing

WHAT CAUSES HOLIDAY STRESS? By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

The holidays are supposed to be a time of celebration when friends and families get together to share food, fun, gifts, and love. They are supposed to be a time of giving, caring and connection when we celebrate important and meaningful events.

Why, then, are they often so stressful and what can we do to make them more fun and peaceful?

Changing holiday season from stressful to peaceful depends upon one thing: INTENT. Your intent is whatever is most important to you in any particular moment or situation.

At any given moment, we are always in one of two intents. Put in simple terms, it is either more important to you in any given moment to:

1) Be loving to yourself and others, or 2) Get love and approval

Your intent determines your behavior and your feelings. Let’s take an example.

Peggy is married with two children. Peggy grew up in a family where she was trained to define her self- worth through other’s approval – that is, Peggy believes that if others value what she does, she is okay, but if they don’t, then she is unworthy and unlovable. Therefore, Peggy’s almost constant intent is to get love and approval. She does this by trying to do everything perfectly – house has to be perfect, food has to be perfect, she has to get everyone perfect gifts. She believes that if everything is perfect, she can have control over how others feel about her and she will get approval she believes she needs to feel worthy.