2. Choose one of bolstering beliefs you've just identified. On left hand side, write down that bolstering belief.

3. On right hand side, write down first thing that pops into your mind. Don't think about this. You will have an immediate thought. Just write it down.

4. On left hand side, write down bolstering belief.

5. On right hand side, write down first thing that pops into your mind.

Keep on going back and forth between two columns. Try not to stop before going on to either side: that is, don't 'think' about it, just let process flow. The goal is not only to uncover negative beliefs, but to get past them. So, once you've identified one underlying belief keep going. Others may come up. Continue until you end up writing same belief on both sides of paper -- and you believe it!

As you go through process, you may need to modify bolstering belief as pieces of your unconscious negative talk come through. For example, if your bolstering belief is 'I deserve to make a lot of money' and you uncover fact that you feel guilty about making more money than other members of your family, you might change it to 'I deserve to make a lot of money, regardless of financial situation of my family'. Just keep process going. You'll know when it feels 'finished'.

As a final note, if you start process and find that you keep having same 'first thought', just stick with it. When a belief is really strong (and most of these are, or you wouldn't be experiencing an inability to create what you want), it presents opposition to being exposed. Eventually, you'll relax with process and other thoughts will surface. Remember to take a lot of slow deep breaths and I strongly urge you to do this longhand.

Because Peggy does not know how to define her own worth, she feels empty inside until she gets approval. Once she gets approval, she feels a moment of fullness, which rapidly disappears and then needs to be filled again with more approval. Others around her feel her pull for approval, and may also feel stressed in face of it. They may like what she does for them, but they may not feel loved by her giving to them to get their approval.

Sophia is also married with children. Sophia also grew up to believe that her worth was based on other’s approval. However, Sophia has done enough inner emotional and spiritual work to learn to define her own worth. Because she is no longer dependent upon others’ approval to define her worth, she is free to express herself in ways that are loving to herself and others. Rather than worrying about what anyone will think of her, Sophia joyfully goes about decorating, cooking and buying presents because it’s fun for her to do so. For Sophia, holidays are an opportunity to express herself and her love for others. Because she is defining and expressing her own worth, she feels full inside. Approval may be icing on cake, but it is not cake itself.

Because Sophia receives such joy from expressing herself and giving to others without needing anything in return to feel worthy, others feel loved by her giving. While others may be stressed if they are giving to get approval, Sophia herself remains peaceful and joyful.

We all have a choice each moment to decide who we want to be – a person who is trying to have control over getting love and approval, or a person who is giving love to ourselves and others. Who we decide to be determines how we feel. If our intent is to get love and approval, then we may think that others determine our feelings, but it is really our own intent that is responsible for how we end up feeling.

Why not start now, before holidays, noticing your intent? Why not open now to giving yourself – child within you – approval he or she needs to feel worthy? If you start to practice today being in intent to love yourself and others, perhaps by time holidays come around you can really have a good time!