These are gifts that we should freely give to our children without thought of what we will receive in return for our efforts.

by Rev. John P. Jackman

A few days ago, my 8 year old daughter asked my wife "What state is Iraq?" My wife explained that Iraq is not a state, but another country. This led to a number of other questions: "Why are they fighting?" "Why is Saddam Hussein bad?" And finally, in a very round-about way, she came to real question: "Are we safe?"

Unless you live in a sealed vacuum, your children know there's a war on. The war is everywhere. Just as with news coverage of terrorist attacks of 9/11, coverage is wall-to-wall. Local news stations aren't covering local news; regular programming is preempted with speculation and commentary. The visuals, bombs, strident music, are not lost on them. They absorb these things, and wonder about them, and formulate explanations - and questions.

The news channels are pumping wall-to-wall coverage into your home because it will increase their ratings. Things that make us tense and fearful boost ratings, and thus boost profits. They will not stop; likelihood is that they will do more, with little regard or respect for impact that coverage might have on children. So it is up to parents to take control of TV and protect their children from excessive exposure, and it is up to parents to answer questions and calm fears.

I'll never forget hearing about child of a man who worked in World Trade Center when it was hit by a jumbo jet. She would only watch The Food Network so that she would not have to watch her father die again and again and again. And again.

How we react to news of war or terrorism will strongly influence how our children are affected. If we react with fear, obsessively watching every minute, every replay, then our children will be affected more deeply and will be more anxious and fearful. I was saddened after 9/11 to see many well-educated parents reacting this way. People in my town were stocking up, looking suspiciously at every Muslim, and speculating as to whether we might be next. That fact that Al Quaida would only hit Lewisville, NC by sheer accident and miscalculation never occurred to them; and I could see anxiety level in their children rise to disturbing levels.

Children need to be reassured that they are safe. They need age-appropriate explanations of what is going on. But above all they depend on us as parents to protect them from unnecessary and irrational fear that TV coverage can create. Even for families who have a loved one in battle, who for understandable reasons find themselves dragged to TV every moment, statistical chances are very good that their loved one will return. 98% of servicemen returned from World War II.

Here are ten tips for talking to children about war or terrorism:

1. Talk to children about war and terrorists. Many parents fear that talking about violent acts will increase their children's fear, but in fact reverse is case. When children keep scared feelings bottled up, their fears may be far worse than reality. You can't reassure them if you don't talk about it.

2. Talk about hate, anger, and bullies. Why do people do terrible things? Talk about tolerance and non-violent solutions to smaller problems. The terrorists are far away, but there's a bully in every schoolyard.