You Get to Want What You WantWritten by Claudette Rowley
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I was recently speaking with a client about this exact topic. Patrick related to me that at some point in his life, he just stopped dreaming. Caught up in routine of daily life, he stopped thinking about his visions for present and future. At end of our coaching session, I gave Patrick an exercise to take away and ponder. His task was to look at eight areas of his life: health, career, money, friends and family, fun and recreation, physical environment, and personal growth, and create a vision that he'd LOVE to be living for each one. During our next call, he revealed his visions to me. We discovered that he had equated vision with what he was willing to live with. I pushed him to tap into what he would really love to manifest in his life. YOU GET TO WANT WHAT YOU WANT. This is where vision is born.
Believe it or not, there is no "judge of desire" holding court to decide if your vision is legitimate or not. "Well, Bill's been a good boy and his want is modest, so he can pursue career he's always wanted. The vision committee will allow his dream to come true. But Samantha-the committee doesn't believe that her business idea is a go. Too ambitious. Too risky. Who does she think she is?" Excavating your vision is an act of not only moving past internal barriers, but of claiming authentic desires that are rightfully yours. In process, you reclaim yourself.
------------------------------------------------------------------ Claudette Rowley, coach and author, helps professionals identify and pursue their true purpose and calling in life. Contact her today for a complimentary consultation at 781-676-5633 or firstname.lastname@example.org. Sign up for her free newsletter "Insights for Savvy" at http://www.metavoice.org.
Claudette Rowley, coach and author, helps professionals identify and pursue their true purpose and calling in life. Contact her today for a complimentary consultation at 781-676-5633 or email@example.com. Sign up for her free newsletter "Insights for the Savvy" at http://www.metavoice.org.
VALENTINE'S DAY: WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?Written by Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
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Companionate love does not have fire and heat that passionate love does, but it can more than compensate in form of closeness, trust and affection. Furthermore it lasts much longer than passionate love, which subsides relatively quickly.
Another way of defining love is in terms of three components: passion, commitment and intimacy. These interact with one another in various combinations, so that no two relationships are alike.
Long-term satisfaction in relationships does not depend on material wealth or success. Nor does it depend on physical attractiveness. A recent study of middle-aged college graduates indicated that good looking people, on average, were no more satisfied with their marriages or with their lives, than were plainer people.
So what does constitute long-term contentment in relationships? Psychologists have found that a feeling of equity is important. That is, partners feel they are each getting about as much as they're giving. Not that they keep score, but over long run things even out. This is similar to just being good friends to one another, supporting one another, laughing at each other's jokes even though you've heard them dozens of times. Another ingredient in long-term relationships is investment. This refers to material possessions, time and emotional investment. The greater investment, more likely couple will stay together.
So what does all this have to do with Valentine's Day? If you wish, buy that card or those flowers, but keep in mind that this is not a maker or breaker of a relationship. Better yet, show your partner love and consideration on other 364 days in year. It will make a greater impact than doing so according to calendar.
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Beyond Words Publishing, 2001)
Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.