I was petrified. I couldn't eat alone for fear I'd choke. I couldn't eat in restaurants for fear of embarrassment. I'd stare at a plate of food and literally be starving -- unable to get it down.

The advent of my divorce really was catalyst to my first encounter with professional help. What originally was to be marriage counseling turned out to be individual talk therapy. I knew my marriage was over, but anxiety needed to be dealt with and this proved to be beginning of my journey.

Adjusting after divorce along with dealing with my anxiety attacks was quite challenging. It was very multi-layered. I found that talk therapy helped. Not just with divorce, but with anxiety.

The talk therapy ended after about a year and a half when my therapist moved to another state. However, knowledge and insight I gained was invaluable and put me on path to recovery.

In years that passed, I had my bouts with anxiety. I did extensive research on subject and read countless self help books. I was always reaching for more answers; for more assurance. As a result, I knew better how to deal with attacks. The negative self talk and fear of loss of control diminished as I developed ability to handle attacks with my mind by gently talking my way through them.

They didn't completely go away, however.

In 1996 I met my fiancé. One of biggest challenges he helped me to meet, unknowingly, was facing my anxiety. He is a pilot and on one of our very first dates, he surprised me with a trip to airport to take his plane for a flight.

As my heart raced madly, (for I'd never been on a smaller plane), I decided to face my fear. That flight was one of most beautiful things I've ever experienced. Had I succumbed to my fear, I would never have seen beautiful moon and stars on that clear and magical night. That taught me a wonderful lesson. I was stronger than my anxiety. I just needed to draw upon my strength.

In 1997 I went to a new primary doctor for severe intestinal pain. Upon examination, she told me that I had a stomach condition caused by Chronic Anxiety Disorder. She had only a brief idea of my history. But, after several questions, etc., she wisely came to her diagnosis. It was then that I began some more talk therapy, on her advise, and started taking a small amount of medicine, called Klonopin, to relieve some of symptoms of anxiety.

In 1997 I became lead singer of a wedding band. During my audition my anxiety got so bad that I could feel my knees knocking and my lips were tingling! Try singing like that! But, somehow I made it through and got in. There was more than one "gig" where I'd feel my hands and mouth get "tingly" and my legs would begin to buckle. But, I went on and made myself do it. I think that it pushed me further into discovering my own inner strength. If I could handle an anxiety attack in front of three hundred people, (and believe me, it wasn't easy as I clung to microphone stand to hold me up), then I could conquer this!

In years that have passed, I have continued my research on anxiety. I still read many books dealing with subject and put into practice many of psychological things that help keep anxiety attacks at bay and/or under control.

I no longer use talk therapy, but what I learned in process will stay with me forever.

It's not a battle that's won overnight, although disorder seems to appear overnight. The road is long, and there are many ways to effectively treat anxiety. I think most important things in helping a sufferer of anxiety are support of those who love you, understanding disorder, faith that you will overcome it and knowledge that you are not alone in your struggle.

Believe me, you are not. © Ellen M. DuBois

*Chemo Angels communicate with their patients through postal service - each patients’ questionnaire will state whether or not they wish to have e-mail contact with their Angel.

*Some folks pair up or form groups to co-angel a patient together. This is a great way to help while sharing expense.

*Because it is such a serious commitment, Angels are encouraged to stick with one patient at a time. This way, they can really focus on "spoiling" their patient. However, if you have time and financial resources to be a great Chemo Angel to more than one patient at a time, you certainly may.

*If you are unable to continue your commitment to Chemo Angels, you are asked to let Ms. Armstrong know as soon as possible so that she may assign another Angel to your patient.

*Patient feedback varies enormously. Some patients and Angels enjoy a friendship relationship and communicate often. Other Angels don’t hear from their patients at all. Response or lack of response from a patient is no indication of impact you are having on that person’s life. Chemo Angels is not meant to be a pen-pal service, and it is important to remember that many patients are very ill and even though you may not hear from them, you can be sure that you are very much appreciated! When a patient is done with his or her treatment, they receive a note from Chemo Angels offering a few options. They can decide to be done with Chemo Angels, they can be assigned to an "e-mail buddy" who will continue to offer support and encouragement mainly through e-mail, they can be referred to some terrific "cancer survivor" websites, or they can choose to stay with their Angel for a few more weeks while recovering from treatment. As of first week in June, there were 946 Chemo Angel volunteers, 164 card angels, and 367 Special Assignment Angels. Many of volunteers are cancer survivors themselves, others consist of students, professionals, homemakers, retired people - people just like you and me who simply want to make a difference in someone’s life. Even though purpose of Chemo Angels is to bring some happiness into lives of a cancer patient, Angels themselves often get just as much joy out of volunteering and knowing that they are making a difference. Ms. Armstrong has taken a personal life experience and turned it into a full-time job helping others. She is a stay-at-home mom of three boys, two teenagers and a toddler. She administrates Chemo Angels from her home in mountains of California. Her commitment and dedication to Chemo Angels can be heard in her comment, "I feel as if I have finally found my ’mission field’, and it is perfect for me! I thank God for allowing me to do this, and give Him any glory that may come out of it!" If you’d like to make a difference in life of a cancer patient, please check out www.chemoangels.com. If you are unable to make such a commitment, but would still like to make a difference, there are other less time-consuming options. One is to donate blood or platelets (called pheresis) at your local American Red Cross, hospital, or community blood drive. Also, there are two other web sites that you may be interested in. Hugs and Hope (www.hugsandhope.com), founded and administered by Marsha Jordan, and Make A Child Smile (www.makeachildsmile.org), founded and administered by Alexandra Davila, are two fabulous web sites that are exclusively for children. Every month, several children are featured who have some kind of illness or disease. Visitors to these web sites are asked to send a card, a small gift, or even just an e-mail to let these children know that people care. Once you visit these web sites, you will almost certainly be compelled to return to them on a monthly basis. Ms. Jordan and Ms. Davila are two extraordinary women who dedicate all of their time and energy to maintaining these web sites simply because they love children. Don’t ever think you can’t make a difference - you can. You can make a difference by being an Angel to someone going through cancer treatment. You can make a difference to that one child you decide to send a card to. What may seem like a small gesture to you may mean world to a suffering child or adult. You can make a difference.