Wearing MasksWritten by Laurel A. Aiyana
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Thank goodness for divine intervention. As I pondered my discomfort with dating scene I had just entered, I realized that I reverted to old patterns of wearing a mask to be who other person wanted me to be. This date emailed me a list of things he found really wonderful about me, none of which included playing sports. He enjoyed my intelligence and wit – bits of my true self. I realized that I only wanted relationship at face value, cards on table. I mentioned I liked being a girly girl, and watching play softball might be fun, but my playing it would not. He still seemed to want to get together, but I’m still not sure he sees real me. Next contact, however, I want to reveal only true colors. Next time, I hope to leave mask checked at door before I even open my mouth. Wearing masks also comes from approval addition stemming once again from my relationship with my parents. I transferred this behavior to clergy, main authority figure in my life. By also failing to consider fact, that they are human beings too with frailties, instead of being who I am, I make excuses whenever they seem angry. Recently, I attended a branch of my church that was 20 miles closer to my home because of my illness. The associate pastor at my current church took great umbrage. Instead of letting it roll off my shoulders, I felt need to defend myself. Now as I look at situation, it’s none of her business what motivated me to attend church, and fact that she’s upset, should not upset me. I’m going to try to walk these new revelations out in life realizing some people will reject me, and others won’t, and that doesn’t mean who I am, is bad. For a while, I expect rejection to hurt, but being true to self will outweigh pain from rejection once I truly internalize that my worth in value is grounded in Christ. Copyright (c) 2005 Laurel Aiyana. All rights reserved.
At age 41, I have begun the process of reinventing myself, and following my life long passion to write. For years I held what was thought to be the responsible job, as an IT administrator, but sacrificed a piece of my soul. Now, I hope to fulfill my real dream.
| | HAVE YOU EVER SAW AN ANGEL?Written by Irvin L. Rozier
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Lord spoke to me and told me to go to Ocala, Florida, about 160 miles from where I live. I packed a few belongings and drove on down there. When I arrived, I asked Lord where to stay, and He directed me to old Ritz in downtown Ocala. I booked my room, and looked around at some of sights. I retired for night, and woke up refreshed. I went down to area where they served a continental breakfast. The attendant and I were only ones there. I got a cup of coffee and a few pastries, and sat down. Soon, in walked a young woman whose presence filled room. She had brightest blue eyes and a glow about her. There was a karaoke machine there, so I asked her, jokingly, if she was singer. She then begin to sing a beautiful song, I Can Only Imagine, a song about heaven. When she sang, it was so beautiful and peaceful. I talked with her some about Lord, and relayed some of burdens I was going through. She told me that God loved me, placed her hand (the warmth of her hand was incredible) on my heart, and said, "You are a good man. God loves you very much and will take care of you." She then departed and I was left with a lasting impression of God's wonderful love. About an hour later, I went to my truck to leave, and there, posted on my window was a note. It said, "God said to me...with all riches you've stored...you've got so much rewards to choose from...and all you want is love..You shall have it." I still have note. I never seen her again (she could have been anywhere between ages of 18 to 30). And Lord has showered His love upon me. I am blessed.
author of My Walk with the Lord, www.selahbooks.com, preacher, retired military
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